Kapoy Kaayo Ko

I think I woke up yesterday at 6:00am, it's now one day later, 5:00pm. And I'm feeling almost comatose in this little internet cafe - I should be going home, to SLEEP! My 12hr shift last night turned into a 20ish hour shift, and then there was Cebuano class, and I have now just finished a run. And everything seems like it's in slo-mo already, kinda hazy.
We welcomed another new baby at about 3:00am this morning, Praise Jesus! Healthy, happy, and very, very cute. In order to get the most experience possible, to get my "numbers", and learn, learn, learn. I have taken on extra patients - patients who I make sure to do all of their prenatal check-ups, their deliveries, their postpartums. Meaning lots more work and a great chance to minister. So - kapoy kaayo ko sa tudlo sunod buwan. (I'm going to be very tired for the next 3 months.) But that's why I'm here right?
I don't feel like this post is really going anywhere, I'm currently incapable of inspired thought, or recalling anecdotes. So I bid you adieu, (how many languages can I use in one post??). This is just to let you know that I am in fact, mildly alive, and might be capable of posting more intelligently and meaningfully sa ugma (tomorrow).
PS: This is how my brain works now, in Ceblish, get ready for baby-talk-Kim when I get back this Christmas!

This Dark Night

Ride quickly into this dark night,
I'm bound and helpless here.
The moon and stars?
They've all gone out.
Swallowed by the fear.

And now the empty pitch shouts curses,
Gross, unspeakable attacks.
And now the silence is invading,
There's no defence,
There's only black.

Let this be the end of it,
Please let there be no more!
Let my body cease it's breathing,
Cease it's beating,
What are either of those for?

I lay myself against the earth,
Yes, I lay down to die.
When pressing in against my ears,
A name, a prayer,
A whispered battle cry.

There's suddenly a rider,
Though I did not see him come.
But now he's here, close as my skin.
And of my pain?
He's bearing some.


I was originally forming this poem as the person who sits beside the one in pain. Coming out of my own prayer as I sat with a grieving mother. But after an idea of my own mom, I changed perspectives and wrote as the mother, the griever, the empty one.

BIG NEWS

I have booked my flights home! It feels so definite, to actually have a timeline. Wow! And while it is way too early to begin any kind of count down, the official stats are now: 7 months in, 4 months to go!
I will return to GP and cry many, many happy tears upon seeing my family, on December 13th! I am coming home in time to get in the Christmas spirit and before my last visa runs out!
Also, on a side note, I am working on the aforementioned poem, it's almost there I think. I'll post it later this week. I realize that I had promised poetry way back long ago, and only delivered once or twice. I'll try harder, I will.

Black Night

"Ride quickly into this black night!"
It's the first line of poem that's forming in my head right now. Yesterday I worked a busy 24hr shift that was just so many things. The clinic I'm working at has been open for 3 or 4 years now and birthed some 1200 babies, and yesterday was their very first fetal death.
Even though we transported the baby to hospital, nothing could be done. And that's pretty heartbreaking. But I can barely even feel anything about it. How could I know what it means to be a mom and raise a being from within yourself, and finally do the good work of bringing that person out into life, only to lose him a few hours later.
Being there and holding her hand is all I can do from right here, all I can do is pray. Just, "Jesus, come, make this right, make her heart right, come soon. Ride quickly into this black night!"
But the shift went on, there were more patients to care for, another baby to deliver, pulses to check, medicines to give, paperwork to fill out. Grief doesn't come when there's a good time for it. It comes in the midst of all the good things we'd hoped for. And sometimes you get to grieve, sometimes you just hear the news, put it aside, and turn to another patient.

Just Switch

To clear up any confusion, I am now writing my exam next August! The joy of my life means that no plan lasts longer a few months!
The board running the exam made a change to the timeline for our paperwork, that puts me and the girls I was studying with back 6 months. It's not the best situation, but it does allow me to slack off a bit on my Anatomy and Physiology homework!
So, I was doing prenatals this morning and I had two patients who just made me laugh, one mom is having her 7th baby, the other her 6th. One mom has 6 boys at home, the other has 5 girls. I don't think the stats give them a very good chance at finally having a girl or a boy, respectively. But I'm kinda tempted to pray that they do. I know they're due in a couple weeks, so the gender thing has kinda already been figured out for a long time, but God could do it. Don't think He will though.
I suggested they switch at birth. But they didn't go for it!

Next?

I worked a night shift last night and stayed on to deliver a baby boy at 9:30 this morning. And seriously, I think I delivered a toddler! At 8.8lbs, this baby out weighs any other local his age! It's amazing how a person can get used to a 6lb baby as normal. If I ever practice at home I'm going to be bowled over at the size of Western babies!
A couple of friends just wrote their big bad Midwifery licensure exam in the States, an exam I'm going to be facing this time next August. And it brings to mind that I have to try and figure out what is going on in my life after 2007. I've always had a plan, at least a short term one, or a long term goal. I don't feel like I have either anymore. So as I begin already to book things in for next year, I wonder what on earth I will be doing, and where I will be. Can I really make any plans at all?
I'm still open to direction, of course, but I'm hoping 2008 has a lot to do with Canada! And a few great trips to Jasper.

Fiesta(s)

Well this has officially been the longest photo uploading ever! Thanx to dinosaur computers and 3rd world dial-up! But finally, my last two pics for today are up and ready to post!

I celebrated my birthday on Wednesday with two midwives from the clinic Lyn (middle) and Tess (my roomie). We went out for dessert and all got too full!

I also got to celebrate it last Saturday with my local Western friends, which not surprisingly, also included dessert!

Look closely at this one, and you will see the crowds of people on both side of our taxi, and the tricy directly infront of us! For the last week our street has been celebrating a Fiesta, which involves plays, bands, kareoke, historical songs, and Mass. At all hours, at the loudest volumes! That means that just trying to get through the street is like the parting of the Red Sea, minus God being the one to do the work! It felt a bit like being famous though (and I mean more than day to day life usually does), what with people pressed against the car on all sides and peering in. I'm kinda hoping the Fiesta ends sometime soon!

Baby Party - July's Babes

Well, it's already time for another Baby Party here at the clinic! So bring on the blue tint and lots more babies!

As we start the party, each of July's moms stood to introduce herself and babe, and Thank God for their safe delivery!

To prove that it's rainy season here, no one arrived without an umbrella!

Just as we do at every prenatal day, we also take time to worship God with our moms, in both Cebuano and English, each week we pray with any of our moms who want prayer.

Well, no baby is always happy!

It's easy to forget that the little ones delivered here at Glory Reborn grow up, become little people, and one day adults! This little beauty was born at the clinic over 2 years ago, and is enjoying some cake with her mom and baby brother (the screaming babe above).

A testament to breastfeeding, look at this gloriously chubby babe!

The angel in construction orange is baby Kim, baby "first name" Kim "last name", I don't remember the rest, but her middle name is mine!

"You really think I can wear this colour??"

Lessons From Day-to-Day Travels

There is an attitude among the poor here that I've been noticing lately, that I don't see among any class at home. It is a pride in working, in providing, that exists regardless of the quality or glamour of a job. The working population here fits into two groups, those who do exhausting work, and those who get to take it pretty easy while they bring in their income. But both groups seem to work an unimaginable 6-7 days/week, pulling some nasty hours. Jobs are serious here, and if you're lucky enough to have one you respect it by working long and hard!
But back to that attitude, a quick trip anywhere in a Filipino city and you will see the wealthy in their new SUVs with tinted glass, and the packed out jeepneys with everyone else, alongside the the labourer (trabahador), who makes his living doing manual construction work, or sweeping streets, selling fruit from a basket or super glue at intersections. People here are willing to do menial work, they take jobs that I would cringe at, that I would demand a high wage for, that would embarass me. And the poor are willing to take those jobs and work hard at them day in and day out, and they go home with the satisfaction of having worked hard and to provide for their family the best they can.
In the West we ask our childern what they want to be when they grow up. Here, that would be a luxury. I wonder what the pedicab driver, the street cleaner or the garbage sorter dreamt of in their youth. Life here isn't easy, the middle class and the poor make a daily wage I'm sure you wouldn't believe if I told you. Even those with college educations aren't likely to ever enjoy luxuries. But regardless of prestige, people here have pride and a work ethic I want to learn from. It's just something I'm obeserving, it's part of the privilege and daily grind of being here - I'm seeing things I've never seen in any short term stay abroad. Like I said last week, I'm learning.