Bearing the Scars

On Saturday night, the worship keyed down, and the leader began speaking about the premature birth of one of his kids, and the battle for his life, the praying, the suffering and the leaning on Christ. And as often happens, my heart was transported to brokenness I've known in birth and death. And those pains were fresh in my heart, and in my eyes. So I'm standing just outside the auditorium, listening, praying, crying. And asking God to reveal why, I still hold these sufferings in my heart.
It's not that I think my hurts and trials even hold a shadow to the suffering of so many, I have been blessed by God, I don't pretend to have suffered myself. Instead, God has granted that I walk alongside others who suffer. Grieving women especially. I've seen abortion, I've seen stillbirth, I've told a mother her child did not survive.
And so the questions in my heart have remained, Why didn't our Lord intervene, when we prayed like we did? And, Why do I still bear these hurts so deeply? As painful as each of those moments were, I count it as privilege to have walked with those women in tragedy. But now it has been so long, why are these wounds so fresh, what can I better contribute or accomplish for the Kingdom because of these?
So I'm crying and asking God these questions. Wondering what to do with the pain, other than let it bleed out in my tears. And He reminded me that Christ bore the pain and sin of the world. And that God has always called His people to bear the suffering of mankind. I know these things, so I'm not angry or resentful, just lost. I return to the crowd of worshipers, still heavy hearted, and as we sing somewhere in the words God speaks to my heart. And my question is answered.
I bear these sufferings still because I can not become like my King if I do not. I follow the Suffering Servant, and to be made into His image, I too must bear the scars.

DTP 2008

This last weekend we saw about 300 youth at DTP, the youth conference that we, the youth pastors of GP put on. They've been doing it for 5 years now, and this was my initiation. Going into it, I wasn't sure what to think, I guess I didn't have high expectations. But praise the Lord, He isn't limited by my doubts and small thinking. The weekend was very moving for me, everything the speaker was saying was resounding in my mind, and I was just praying that God would open the hearts of our youth to hear his words! Throughout the weekend their faces came to my mind, and I just prayed, asking God to open their hearts, this kid needs to hear this!


Mark Colwell, our speaker.


So I am grateful, and inspired, and feel like God has given me something to pursue with these youth, and some new resources to do it with. I'm excited!