"Ride quickly into this black night!"
It's the first line of poem that's forming in my head right now. Yesterday I worked a busy 24hr shift that was just so many things. The clinic I'm working at has been open for 3 or 4 years now and birthed some 1200 babies, and yesterday was their very first fetal death.
Even though we transported the baby to hospital, nothing could be done. And that's pretty heartbreaking. But I can barely even feel anything about it. How could I know what it means to be a mom and raise a being from within yourself, and finally do the good work of bringing that person out into life, only to lose him a few hours later.
Being there and holding her hand is all I can do from right here, all I can do is pray. Just, "Jesus, come, make this right, make her heart right, come soon. Ride quickly into this black night!"
But the shift went on, there were more patients to care for, another baby to deliver, pulses to check, medicines to give, paperwork to fill out. Grief doesn't come when there's a good time for it. It comes in the midst of all the good things we'd hoped for. And sometimes you get to grieve, sometimes you just hear the news, put it aside, and turn to another patient.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Black Night
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3 comments:
Such fine work this clinic has been doing. So sad to lose even one.
When you are able, Kim, work on the poem. It will be a good one, a prayer, and maybe a help to someone who needs it.
Hi beautiful!
Sorry I missed your call! I was at work already. I will try and call you sometime this week. Maybe Wednesday morning, night for you i think.
Love you!
so i am so late to reply to this, I saw on your facebook for a while it said you were sad and a kind of ugh...feeling crept in and then i checked your blog a few days later and I am so so sorry...I know that when we went thru the baby dying it really helped to have someone there...and you were my someone...so i hope you have a shoulder you can cry on...i hope you have a someone...
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