T-Dot

I've been in Calgary since last Friday, mostly just hanging out with Steph, and mostly waiting for a meeting I had yesterday morning. I met with a couple guys from MoveIn, which is a movement/organization/idea all about mobilizing teams of Christians to move into poor and unreached neighbourhoods in our cities. Which is what I'm interested in doing. Incarnational living in the context of community.

The meeting was great, I'm excited about what they're doing, and I'm excited that we could get something started here in Calgary. As a result of the meeting it seems that I am going to head east to Toronto for 2 weeks to see just how this is working out there, to meet folks who have MovedIn, and to help with some current admin-type projects. Breakfast meeting yesterday, and bham - I'm going to Toronto! I'm crazily excited, this is a great opportunity being handed to me, to learn and for fun and to make sure that this is what I want to get into!

Next Steps: Part 1-2-3

Much to my delight I now find myself at home. Every time I travel I reach a point when I want to return to the people I love, which then requires me to also return to this city they live in! So, here I am back in GP.
I am so glad I detoured and found myself "waiting" in Nelson, the two weeks I spent there were necessary for me to finish thinking, praying, processing. And when it finally came time to leave it was because I wanted to be home, and not simply because I had nowhere else to be.
It is easier to return home to GP, and to be excited about it, when you know that your stay will be a short one. To prove that, I will be leaving again this Friday, heading down to Calgary for a handful of reasons and a handful of days, and then back up north. When I return I will try to find some work to keep me busy until Christmas, (if you know of anything...).
So the question now is obviously: What next? And amazingly I think I know and I'm excited about it too! I am planning on moving to Calgary in the New Year to find full-time work, and part-time studies. I am hoping to finish my ABC degree in the next couple years as I have a half dozen or less, classes left. That is part one.
Part two, I am pursuing an intentional community living situation. I have been reading, praying and having many conversations about community living for the last 2 years. And in particular, thinking about forming a community where hospitality and knowing those who are poor is part of the point. Very excitingly I have some leads towards building or finding this kind of community in Calgary.
Part three, this is the part that is a true miracle: Midwifery re-enters my life! Alberta's first approved, university level, midwifery education program is supposed to begin this coming fall, in Calgary! And if all the necessary pieces for that to happen go ahead and happen, then I will be the first to apply for the program! That means starting from scratch, it means four more years, but I have figured out how much I want this and I am willing to start again.
With all these things on the horizon home is a great place to be, I'm here to enjoy my family, friends and the next two months. I am continuing to try to live with the quote "Be Here Now" in mind, I'm trying to learn about waiting and living out my questions, and daily choosing joy.

Waiting...

Update: We left the ranch, left WWOOFing, left California and Nevada. Ran to the open arms of Dani and Johnny in Boise. Kurtis went home. I hung out just long enough to make some plans and then change them. And left heading NW to Spokane, and on to Nelson, BC. That was the last 2.5 weeks and here I am.

I thought I would simply pass through Nelson too, but after a couple days of being here and enjoying the incredible beauty and the welcome of friends I decided to stay put for a (very) little while. In order to regroup, figure out how to deal with wanting to be a midwife and the reality of making that happen, and use the "left-over" time between leaving California and the New Year. You see I have an idea of what my plans are for the New Year. But really don't know what to do with myself until then. So I sat down, wrote out a resume for the first time in years and went around looking for work. It turns out that nobody's really hiring in Nelson, so that so far hasn't been too productive.

So I'm making some alternate plans. Ones that make me happy. And in the meantime I am trying to enjoy the lack of responsibility, the wide open days, this very beautiful place with low clouds, fall leaves, the very great Lakeside Park, and an outdoor prayer labyrinth. The warm welcome of a friend, the many places to get a warm cup of something. I'm calling this a vacation, aimless wandering, and waiting.

I have been reading more Henri Nouwen, who says this on waiting:

"Active waiting implies being fully present to the moment with the conviction that something is happening where we are and that we want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment, believing that this moment is the moment."

So I am waiting and enjoying, and trying to remember to enjoy and to wait. And I will move on when this time is up.

Rainer Maria Rilke

On Solitude:
"Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast. And if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great; be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust."

On Christ:
"Why don't you think of him (Christ) as the one who is coming, who has been approaching from all eternity, the one who will someday arrive, the ultimate fruit of a tree whose leaves we are? What keeps you from projecting his birth into the ages that are coming into existence, and living your life as a painful and lovely day in the history of a great pregnancy? Don't you see how everything that happens is again and again a beginning, and couldn't it be His beginning, since, in itself, starting is always so beautiful? If he is the most perfect one, must not what is less prefect precede him, so that he can choose himself out of fullness and superabundance? - Must not he be the last one, so that he can include everything in himself, and what meaning would we have if he whom we are longing for has already existed?"
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Rilke is moving me and losing me in the vast solitude he praises, it's petrifying and beautiful. And I wonder, could we each be simply living a day of the great pregnancy which will reach it's fullness in Christ's birth? What do you think?

My Mind and My Travels

I hardly know where to begin this post. I've actually been putting it off, because it feels like reporting a list of events, and not actually thinking anything. And who wants to read a list?

Let's try and get the list out of the way quickly: we went to San Fran, I wandered around Market and Mission and we went to a Giants game. That's 2 pro baseball games on this trip. I don't even follow baseball.

Then we moved north seeking the Pacific Ocean, and found it. And it was very, very cold. We tried to stay in a hostel, but it was full and found ourselves camping for $10 night, not bad. We also picked up a "friend" who was very interesting! He wore pirate shorts, and nothing else, we talked about how he would sum up the world with the word "Huh?" and about pot. He slept on our picknick table at the campsite. It was Friday night, and since we were already where we needed to be, we tried to head up to the vineyard we were supposed to start working. But they wouldn't let us come until Monday. So we spent 3 nights camping and hanging out, bathing in the lake. The nights got mighty cold for camping.

When we finally got to the vineyard, we were greeted with "Hey you're here, put up this clothesline." Basically the folks we were working for were miserable people who couldn't afford regular work crews and were using WWOOFers to do harvest for them. The other workers were most interested in smoking up and drinking, but they were just fine, we enjoyed them. We only stayed for 3 days and then ran away in the middle of the night to escape the bosses and "slavery", and laughing to ourselves that they had actually made us afraid! We went back across the state to the Catholic Worker, where people are glad you are there, feed you well and treat you with basic dignity.

We contacted the ranch we had plans with next, and asked if we could show up early, and they gave us the go ahead. We arrived Saturday night, to horses, milk cows, and wide open spaces in the Nevada desert.

In the midst of all this it's tough to figure out how I see God at work, what I am learning, what the point in any of it might be. I've been having lessons in learning to simply be, sitting beside a lake with nowhere else to be, may be enviable, but it can also make one feel wasteful. Is being quiet and unproductive wasteful?

I've been rereading The New Friars and asking this time what I can apply to the life I am already living. I don't want to be immobilized by it's radical call, I want to be changed. And I'm asking God to make next steps a little clearer, I have the ideas I've been thinking about, but I want to be sure He is leading, not me. And then there is learning how to communicate well with others, how to put others first. Trying to remember that God wants to work the fruit of the Spirit into my life, and that I must seek first the Kingdom.

My brain and heart are in as much a whirlwind as the traveling and working we've been doing.

Next Things

We're moving on today, after a month here at the Catholic Worker we're making tracks. Heading to San Fran today, see a Giants game tomorrow, maybe visit a new friend who happens to be a priest. Go to the ocean, and then on to a winery north of San Fran to pick grapes for about 10 days before we head back this way and on to Reno to check out a cattle and horse ranch! After all the uncertainty of where we were going to head next, a way has been made. New farms, new places, new things! And by the way, it's still really warm.