Maayo Kaayo

Twenty ten was this great year of God giving me good things. And I may not have blogged in the last 8 months, but it's New Years and the day, the season, demand some accounting of my living and some contemplation.
January 1, 2010. I was stuck in Chicago, for the second time in a week, ridiculously frustrated, tired and just wanting to be home! Ironically three days later, having arrived home, I packed my car and moved. Transplanting to Calgary with hopes of things that might come to fruition. And one year later I can say that none of them turned out as I had hoped or expected.
Thus far you're probably wondering where all the good was. Well, I fell into it, or God tricked me into it, or something! While I was camping out in the home of kind friends, working towards something else, God began to plant me in their neighbourhood and church. And by March I realized that I wanted to call this place home, and these people my community. So I've stayed and been so blessed in it all.
Last year as I wandered, (was that really just last year??), I felt like I connected with Henri Nouwen's question of Where do I belong?, and that's what I was asking God. And He responded with Bowness and Awaken. He took away the wandering in my heart, the part of me always looking for the next thing, the restless part. He planted me here.
January 1, 2011. I slept in after a late night with friends. Woke to sunshine and drew up my blinds, made coffee, turned up Sufjan Stevens and spent a few hours carving back the chaos in my life. Making space to breathe and live. I don't pretend to guess at 2011. I hope for more good things; I look forward to growing season again, I hope midwifery school starts this fall, I hope to create more rhythm in my life in this neighbourhood, I hope to make certain steps in loving people better. But that's all I've really got. I'm so grateful for what God has given me, for a year that was that good! Here's to another!

Spoons scramble at Thursday night dinner.


Working on my Skip It skills with this dumpster find.


Made a cross country trip with my friend Meghan, Hello Wisconsin!


Said goodbye to my dear old friend Matilda, moved on to Frieda the Matrix, and lost her just before Christmas. The New Year will bring car shopping.


Turned 25 on Vancouver Island.

Thanksgivng with my amazing family!

And for the first time since I was half my age, I'm rocking some bangs.

And so this is Christmas...

I am home, for a small stint, a window as wide as many of my other stays this fall. But it's home, and that always feels more stable. I have been here a week and will stay put for one more. Enough time to enjoy Christmas Day with everyone, before I hurry off on Boxing Day to my next location!
After 3 years of considering attending Urbana, and having finally ruled it out, I am now actually going. My connection with MoveIn had them urging me to attend with them, to assist with their exhibit, to see what God has for me and if perhaps He would use my presence there. I had been feeling pretty funny about the idea of going, my discomfort with the Christian-mega conference and celebrity-ism, added to my experience of having received direction from God this fall, had helped me to rule it out. I am not going overseas now or in the next few years, I am not looking to make a connection with a missions agency, I am not wondering how God may use me and my skills for His kingdom. At least for now I have direction. I feel some amount of wonder at how God has knit together good things for my life, and I am excited about these new things!
But after all that, I am going, I made the very last minute decision, and have been surprised to see my going almost completely covered by other's generosity. Without me ever asking. Maybe God does indeed have reasons for me to be there. So on Boxing Day, I'll fly to St. Louis and spend the week with 20,000 others in worshiping God and considering His mission.
And promptly after my return I will pack my things into some sort of vehicle and head south to Calgary, where I am moving in with a friend in her busy community of many. I have a place to stay for the month of January, with the hopes that a team will be ready to MoveIn as early as February!
And that isn't an entirely crazy hope either. Already there are 3 or 4 of us interested in moving in by that date. And I really believe that more people are coming, perhaps even because of Urbana, that we will have 3-8 people, maybe even 2 teams, ready to MoveIn. Part of my work in January is going to be doing the neighbourhood research for these future teams. We are looking to identify "patches" of socio-economic need, high density living and large percentages of unreached peoples.
Other than that, I have enrolled at ABC in two courses, I am working slowly towards finishing my degree with them, and mostly I just like the studying. I continue to wait for news about a midwifery program at Mount Royal, the media is publishing multiple articles about the great need and the lack of midwives - come on, let's at least get started at changing things! And I am looking for permanent full time work, which is kind of fun. Just what do I want to do? Time to try something new?
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, in whatever corner of the globe that you find yourself in! I am looking forward to another holiday with my dear family. My father managed to win a gift basket of wine etc, from his work party that should make the holidays a little merrier, if you know what I mean... And I have been appreciating as always, this season of Advent. I feel in this season, of the calendar and of my life, that I hear the voice of one shouting in the desert, "prepare the way for the LORD."

Camp?... ...Check!

Camp is over. Camp has been the final mark on my horizon for months and months. It has been the marker of the last big thing to be done in my term as youth pastor. I was scared of it, but I was straining for it to come. And as I knew He would God renewed my strength every morning, and I found the energy, love and creativity to make it through pleased with camp, pleased with the offering. I hope it was pleasing in His sight.
Over the next couple weeks I will tie up details here at work, and finish this chapter. Reaching unemployment, which goes along well with my current homelessness. It's strange to be in a position that for so many is one of brokenness, of helplessness and poverty. And to be here by choice and without suffering or fear. I am arriving where I intended to be, and I am supported on all sides by those I call family. I'm not truly homeless by any means. Just without an address.
One month to go, with some more work, some care of Dakota, more couch-surfing and then Chantal and I set off on our grand adventure, to be followed by my own WWOOF adventure.
I'm considering all sorts of questions and directions right now. And I'm trying to regain restedness. And I'm just about to realize the excitement of this.
And here are some pictures of the last 2 weeks of camp:

Sr. High camp at Jarvis Lake. I even tried wakeboarding!And Jr. High/Kidz Camp at Pineridge.

What a Good Day

A miracle was unfolded today. God gave me a gift.

I discovered just last week that all I need to complete my clinical requirements was one single experience, of any kind of skill. One that can be dated after January 27, 2008. So any experience I gain now counts.

And God provided! I had made a call, sent some emails, and I was waiting. Which I am very, very bad at doing. And just this morning my phone rang, one of my calls returned, the one I was hoping for. And an invitation was given to come and learn and finish my requirements! I am going to Boise, Idaho on Wednesday, for a week! I was crying and vibrating in my joy.

And then I went to work and received an email from my dear friend in Boise, with even more good news, and more excitement. In one day a wealth of God's blessings have been poured down on me. Jehovah Jireh. Giver of good gifts!

Friday Freedom

Friday marked the end of my first semester of leading Youth Group. Year One... check! Now on to summer camps... gulp!! I gotta say, I don't think I really expected myself to be able to do it, I'm not very self-confident that way. But here I am.
And in some bizarre and wonderful twist, I am so much more self-confident than I was in January. Public speaking, even, no - especially on faith, has become considerably less daunting. Could this be what God wanted to build into me, why He put me in such a bizarre role? I mean certainly my placement here has to be much bigger than what it accomplishes in me. I'm not the point. But in addition to what I am doing, there is the part of asking what God is accomplishing in me. And it is a beautiful thing to say that God is doing things in me, not the kind of thing that makes me feel better. But the kind of thing that makes me a better woman, and more useful to Him.
And that strengthens me, especially when the things of life are messy and painful.
So for the next 3 months I am a free woman, I mean I still have to work just the same. But my Friday night's are now my own. Now what do I do?

The Call

Amidst the mess of all my boxes, I just discovered my journal from the very first mission trip I was apart of, with YWAM LA, back when I was only 13 years old. My handwriting was terrible. But my notes and entries blew me away; God did mighty things in me in those two weeks. I found the following excerpt from the day after I heard God's call to ministry.

Father, at last night's lecture you gave me the chance to give you my heart, and life. Thank You. Do You know what? I'm very glad I took that chance. I no longer have to worry about my future, my will or my plans. I've heard Yours. I accept. I give You my heart, my soul, my past, my present and my future. Take them please. I am willing to give You my life, that it may be a blessing to others. You gave me a message last night, "Go ye into all the world and preach the good news," "To the ends of the earth." You have sent me and I will go, into all the world, preaching Your Good News! I find it so amazing that You would pick me to go into all the world. That you would fit me in to the Great Commission. That You have the time to look at me and say; here is where I want you and this is what you should be doing. Well Father it goes over my head. You want me! Please don't let me dissapoint You. May I make You proud. Thank You for choosing me! Amen.

Oh man, I wish I had that kind of clarity and certainty now! I was passionate, my thoughts were simple, I was naive. But I loved God, I had met Him, and I knew I would follow Him from that point on. I can remember that lecture. Not anything that was said, but where I sat and what that moment was like.
And I look back now, almost 10 years later, and wonder that God has indeed sent me into the ends of the earth, and called me into His work. That He has seen fit to use me. And I wonder, how much that decision and promise made to God, have shaped the course of my life. And if this is what He has done in the last 10 years, what will He lead me into in the next decade?
I marvel at my 13-year-old words and faith. And then I remember that I also saw fit to eat a bag of M&M Peanuts for breakfast each day of our trip. I was a bundle of maturity, and passion and childhood. Perhaps I still am. But He has seen fit use me!

Week Out

Why does anyone live in Grande Prairie?? That's what my week in Victoria left me asking! Tulips, Ocean, Lush Green, Outdoor Pools, NOT Grande Prairie!!

Louis steers the boat, NOT into the BC Ferry.

Trapping Crabs.



Climbing the corporate ladder.


We took the city!

Soul Restoration by Moonlight

As my whole family found it prudent to be elsewhere this Family Day, I took advantage of the day off with some dear friends. And filled a deep need in my soul for nature, not quite the Rockies, but a bit of beautiful medicine, in Tumbler Ridge.

It being several hours drive away, and us starting mid-afternoon, (due a certain game of Settlers lasting till the middle of the night before), we started our outdoor pursuits at a rather late hour. And you will see, as we traversed this bit of Woods, the sun slipped away into night, the pinks hid behind the hills and the moon rose higher.


I had the good fortune of traveling and trekking with the lovely young-Jones family, which meant that we had great conversation, good travel tunes, and lots of hilarious fake-sneezing, on Lilah's part.



Before we ended our journey back at it's beginning, we paused to overlook the expanse, dark but for the moon, and quiet but for distant highways. We felt mighty from our vantage point and then we closed our mouths, as the truly Mighty roared suddenly through the trees.

By the night light of the moon,
You wrapped Your arms around me,
Told me I was safe here,
And told me that You loved me.

In silent words You spoke it,
To a feeble body such as mine,
Your gentle, tangled forces blow,
By the moon, hung in Your sky.

Meeting the White Hairs

Yesterday was a mildly stressful day as I was forced to realized my wonderfully plotted idea of bussing the kids to the Old Folks home was slightly flawed. Yes, at -30 something, busses don't really like to start. Faced with this fact in the early morning, I spent my day planning an alternative Service Project, just incase when we tried to fire the bus, (an hour before Youth began), if it wouldn't run, we would atleast not be scrambling!
And in a demonstration of my self-sufficiency, I went about all day madly planning the "in-case event", and didn't spend a moment in prayer about it! Seriously, what was I thinking? When it finally hit me, late afternoon, I sorted things out and asked God to intervene as He would will. And when they tried the bus a half hour later, she purred. Much to my delight!
So we went on to Wildrose Manor, piled off the bus and headed in to greet a snowy haired crowd. A smallish crowd I should say. And our kids picked up boxes and spread out, finding interested parties and setting up games of Scrabble, Monopoly and SkipBo. And the games went on for more than an hour, stories were told, and us young-uns generally got beat pretty good! At the end of the night we pulled out song sheets and enjoyed some hymns together, made our goodbyes and ducked out.
They loved us! And from all the reviews and anecdotes I've gathered - we loved them! I saw those kids come alive, even the crew who can usually be rowdy, or fearful of boredom, were attentive and kind. There wasn't a single issue of discipline, no warnings given. No better visit to an Old Folks home has ever happened in the history of Youth Groups! (Maybe that's a bit self-important!) It was awesome to watch! We were invited to come back anytime, and as far our teens are concerned - That'd be great!

Snowballs and Mafia

Another week, another Youth Group down, whew!
I had a blast tonight! We started off with a couple minutes of lovely awkward silence in the basement, that wasn't planned, but did really fit well in with our theme...
But then we really got going with one of the best snowball fights I've ever been in, a wonderful affair, of treason and cold, cold earfuls of snow. When that was sufficiently worn out, and our bodies sufficiently wet, we headed back inside. And enjoyed the most efficient game of Mafia ever played, anywhere - 4 mafia pinned in 4 rounds!
Which was good, because we had just enough time to get on to our theme: Noise. If you've ever heard of the Nooma videos, they're a really neat series of 10+min snippets; Rob Bell discussing one thing or another. And rather thought provoking too. So heading into a season of Bright Sadness next week (LENT), this was a good discussion to get our minds rolling, on the noise and distractions in our lives.
"Does the amount of noise in our lives have any connection to our inability to hear God?" And what things might we want to try removing, what distractions could we lay aside, even just for a short time?
So we had some really good discussions, I was really, Really impressed with all our kids! And really, Really moved by God showing up. This week I feel like, "Yes, we had a great night at Youth Group. God was there and we had ourselves a lot of fun!" I'm feeling jazzed tonight, just cause He showed up and worked out all the plans. Now I must sleep, after all morning comes early and next Friday will be here so fast.

The Twin-ed Life

I ran my first Youth Group last night! In two words: "Hectic Fun!" We had the good company of all sorts of twins, including Elvis and his (stillborn) baby twin brother. I'm serious the kids came up with that one themselves, while perhaps not in the best taste, they are terribly creative. Yes, it was Twin Night, complete with Siamese twin games (duct-taped together), a Choco-pudding feed race, and finally a talent show!
To end the night I spoke about my time in the Phils, and how greatly God looked after me. Ending with a moving and clever, (ahem!), slideshow, which did of course include some beautiful Twins. And the kids listened really well, or at least respected the "you can be bored, just be quiet" request. (Insert smiley face here.)
I felt a little stressed with the whole event, but in reflection realize that that is mostly to be expected and that things went remarkably well, and according to plan. I think we all had fun too.
I'm certainly left wishing I had one of those magnetic personalities that draws peoples' attention and creates a sort of energy. That would be nice... but I guess they'll have to deal with dull, trying to be able to be loud-enough Kim. (Smile again.)
That's okay, in my weakness He is strong.

Manila-Land

Manila, again, I'm back. And oddly arriving last night felt a bit like coming home! Not like the excitement I have inside when I think about Thursday. (Yay!) But just this comfortable happiness at seeing all the familiar places, the traffic, driving past all the malls. I've noted that perspective must play a lot into my vision, living here I never romanticized this city into a happy, pretty-lights kind of place. But enroute to loved ones and Canada, my eyes see good things.
Until of course I ventured out with a dear friend this afternoon to attempt my last minute purchases. Big mistake! Sunday afternoon, Christmas season, 18 million people! Such a bad idea! And then trying to find a cab, my aching lungs, mixing with the experiences of the day, reminded me, that all is not wonderful in Manila-land.
But I am happy to be here, enroute, visiting friends and my Manila family. And happy to God for those friends, and to be going to a place my heart's been wanting for a long while. I'm blessed.

No Room in the Inn

"There's no room in the Inn" - We've almost had to say that a couple times this week, but the grace of God has provided for our mothers just as He provided for His own.
At the clinic we are prepared to handle 2-3 moms in labour, and 3 postpartum moms staying anywhere from 24hrs to a couple weeks. We also have 3 beds downstairs for prenatals and check ups. Well this week we had a full house, and there were always women in labour. Family members of our moms were sleeping under their beds, and we even had moms staying in the midwife quarters too!
But the grace of God never sent more moms in labour than we could make room for, and he gave us wisdom for those emergencies that came up, and we had a very, very busy few days! Today was a little slower, and hopefully we'll have a couple days now to recuperate before another wave of precious new lives joins us!

Right Where God Has Me

So here I am, on the island of Cebu, and living in the city of Cebu, and feeling right smack in the middle of where God wants me to be! That's a pretty great feeling!
Even though Cebu is only a 45min flight from Manila I decided to take more adventurous route and got on board the SuperFerry instead. Which gave me 24hrs at sea to watch the water and the clouds, to wax poetic, to watch the water and the clouds some more and to get into an indepth religious discussion with a local pastor. I also ended up with a most fantastic farmer's burn, (on a cloudy dark day), and a good sense of transition, moving out of Manila and some of the difficult moments I faced there, and moving on to something different and new. I needed those 24hrs to reflect and make goals and watch the water and the clouds.
After arriving I had 2 beach days with some new friends and now I'm beginning to burrow into the clinic, my apartment and a new city. So far I've done 2 prenatal days, been at 2 births and completed my first night shift! What could be better than knowing you are in the place God has prepared for you?

The whole population of Manila on one fishing boat!

All just shades of grey: the incredible city skyline.

This storm formed over the island next to us, dark, amazing, looming clouds, pouring out their fury on everything below.

Mushroom Cloud: the storm moved off the land and passed right over our ship, somehow we survived!
The next day 360 degrees of this view entertained my eyes for hours.
At the beach my favourite flowers were there to greet us!
And at low tide we could walk out forever on this undersea sidewalk, with starfish and crabs and sea centipedes (of death), to watch on either side.

And look at the show God gave us at night!

NOT my ferry!
The sky was glorious

God's Leading Me

So the time has come for an announcement! God has really been paving the way for me, working in my heart and opening up opportunities and I will soon be able to continue my midwifery training and service!
Through the help of another midwife I came into contact with a clinic running in the city of Cebu (think central Philippines), with the same heart that you sent me out with. A heart to love and serve poor families and to provide women with excellent pregnancy care, all in the name of Christ! And I have been welcomed to move down south and join them in their work for six months! All the details have yet to fall into place but I hope to make the move in the middle-to end of June. I am so deeply happy, every buntis (pregnant woman) I see, makes me miss the personal and joyous work of midwifery - I can't wait to get my hands back to work!
It is hard to express what a journey I have been on these last few months, especially the last one - but I really want to openly rejoice because God is good in the midst of every circumstance! He has been teaching me about faith, obedience and about giving Him the glory. And He has really been awakening my hunger for Him.
For those of you who have been praying so faithfully for me I want to say a huge "Thanx", and I want to let you know that your prayers have been answered in my life!

Big Change

Forgive me for not posting in an inordinately long time, I've been contemplating a lot and facing a big decision. And all of it has had me quite preoccupied. But now the decision is made and I'm facing big changes.
With a lot of prayer and heart-searching I decided that I won't be finishing my program with the school I'm with. I am still passionate to become a midwife, to serve the poor and especially to care for women and children. But I really feel strongly that this wasn't the right path for me. I am wishing them well, and it is so sad to move away from the family I have been a part of here in Pingkian. I have had some of beautiful experiences in the last couple months, and these people really matter to me. This has been a tough choice.
But now I'm in the process of moving, both from my house and ministry. I will be volunteering here in the Philippines with a Christian development and social work foundation, and I will continue to study midwifery on my own. Later on this year I hope to re-enter midwifery training and ministry, and am really trusting God to lead that and put me in the right place at the right time.
I thank you - my friends for your love, support and prayers for me! This is as unexpected for you as it is for me. But I want you to know that I am trusting God, I feel safe in this choice, and feel like I'm being obedient to what He has put inside me. There is peace and joy!

Redemptive Rain

The grace of God brought a rainstorm today. Rainstorms are one of my favourite things, and after snapping these we ran out with the kids to play in the black river with a couple of old tires!

Rain falls on an ugly city
And it is better than before.
Dripping bodies in a muddy river
Dance hurriedly to Thunder's roar.