"Jesus Changed My Life" Mad-Libs

After a week of intense theological study with our High School students, we were talking about telling the stories of how God has intersected our lives. Which naturally led to testimonial mad-libs over lunch. Here's what we came up with:

Before I jumped to Baltimore I was always ugly. But then I gave my girl to mewithoutYou and they make me so sloppy. I am so dead that he changed my frog.

...and then...

My life used to be full of sea monkey, but since I farted Jesus into my coffee pot my life is full of grey apple pie. Jesus has slapped everything.

I hope these don't offend you. They brought us great joy, which will be to all people. Hence why I'm sharing them now.

New Years

So this was New Years, in many many pictures. Let's just say it was a total blast, and very very cold outside! So that is my justification. Thank you Kayte and Nyla for such a good shindig!

We're time confused.

Kayte edited these, hence her calling me cool.

We may have found Nyla's old dresses, wedding, bridesmaid and grad! It was snazzy, and required dancing and posing! Here's a classic bridal magazine shot, plus a shower curtain.

And I guess I should explain, the pictures you are about to see are intended to be a sequence. This is the birth of my adult child.





Oh my baby, she's so beautiful! I'm so proud!

Remember, it was cold. Happy New Year!

They Know

The other night I transported a patient to the hospital, as I've done a few times through the months here. Each trip is a test of my language skills as I try to talk with our patients, the doctors and nurses, all in Bisaya. And thankfully this trip wasn't an emergency and the hospital staff were kind.
But no matter how many trips I take; to admit patients, or visit ones already there, I will never become immune to the shock of the place. Can you imagine an overfull, understaffed hospital, with paint peeling and floors crumbling. With cats and roaches running through, with blood on the floor. With a sign in the Pedia ward that says "Dengue Express Lane". With patients sharing beds, sharing diseases. This place is beyond imagination. But its all that is here, the only public hospital. It's what the people have.
So we arrived at the ER and then went on to the front desk, and back, and to the ward, and back, and to wait in the hall, and back. After an hour and half, the patients husband had bought all the necessary medicines and supplies at an outside pharmacy. And they were finally ready to be admitted. Time for me to go.
So I headed outside, and crossed the street to wait for a taxi to take me back to the clinic. The street was dark, but certainly not quiet, and I thought how strange it seemed to be there on that corner, across from that place, alone and at night. I wasn't worried, I never am, I don't feel in danger here. I don't think there's a time with less than a half dozen people watching me, and across form the hospital there was likely two or three times that!
As I'm waiting there is a constant flow of jeepneys passing by, urging me to board, and there's a lot of foot traffic even though it's late. As one man passes me he turns and tells me the name of my street. My address! And as I stare at him incredulously, he grins, says "I know", and walks on. There I am, a good 10-15 min drive from my place, and someone, some stranger knows where I live?? I expect than everyone in my neighbourhood knows where I live, as far as I know, I'm the only white person around. But standing on a street corner in the middle of the night, people know where I live! There are several million people in this city!
What I've decided is that he was probably a taxi driver I've had in the past. And harmless to boot, he certainly didn't do anything threatening. But what a strange feeling, I guess it's like Cheers, but instead of just a bar, its a whole city where "everybody knows my name".

Leviticus 15?

In church this morning the speaker tells us our passage for the morning, and everyone opens up their Bibles. I didn't have mine, I never have mine, so I just pulled out my journal for the notes. And they start to read the passage out, in Bisaya of course, and I'm listening only vaguely. I know enough to know, that I only really know maternity-clinic-Bisaya.
But as their reading I begin to think - Wait a second, I know these words. What are they talking about??? I can't wait for them to get to the English translation, so I peak over at my roomie's Bible to see if what I'm thinking is what is being read. And sure enough, my maternity-clinic-Bisaya has served me well. We are reading the passages of the Law that discuss menstrual periods and semen. In church. Yes, that is our inspirational passage for the morning! Around the church people are getting shifty and uncomfortable, there are grins and nervous chuckles. Seriously, Leviticus 15?? My nurse-roomie and I are quietly laughing in the back row, and the poor translator is totally embarrassed and trying to make it through the passage.
In the end, sense was made as the speaker moved on to Mark 5 and the women who touches Jesus and is healed. He lets us know we can boldly approach Jesus, even when we feel "unclean" we can still go face-to-face with Him and ask for healing and restoration. And Jesus even calls this women Daughter, apparently the only time He ever speaks the name.
But I was lost, the start of that sermon was unfathomably awkward! I'm proud of the man for going for it, it takes a great level of confidence to address menstruation in Church. I've tried to picture a Sunday at home and Alan basing a sermon on, quote - discharges - end quote, but I'm afraid I don't have the imagination for it. Men here do a lot of things I can't imagine men doing at home, guess this was just one of them.
I have to say, it was a sermon I'll never forget!

Critter Control

I thought I should let you know that the dreadful spider did not go away as I had hoped, (and chosen to believe). The other day as I stepped out to start a shift next door, there it was on the outside wall, all huge and leggy and terrifyingly horrible!! I cried. And then worked up the courage to walk down the stairs and out the gate. And now I have no idea where it is. Every entry and exit is a gigantic leap of bravery as I search for it (do I want to see it or not?) and then quickly hit the stairs.
In another critter news, last night the guard-on-duty decided to do away with a bat that's been eating off our little half-tree. So he clipped it, David and Goliath style (though he is much bigger than the bat). I left work this morning to be shown the nasty carcass of the poor thing, what a great start to the day!
Killing bats, cutting down trees with kitchen knives, all in a days work for the guards at Glory Reborn!

Bye Bye Spider

Much to my delight it appears my big-nasty-spider problem has been solved! You remember the wonderful, kind security guards I've told you about? Well this morning I asked the guard on duty if there wasn't something that could be done about the spider-above-the-gate. And he was very certain, "Oh yes, Ma'am." So I thanked him and went away pleased, thinking he was obviously very brave and would come over later to spray it with pesticide or knock it down with a stick and squish it. I was happy.
About an hour later I'm in my apartment and I hear this racquet outside the window, so I turn around to see what is going on. And there, out of my 2nd storey window I see our wonderful, dear, little security guard, in the tree, at my eye level. He's climbed up the tree, wearing his dress pants, shoes and barong, and with kitchen knife in hand is chopping down the tree! I'm not kidding you!
There's now half a tree outside my house, growing up from the concrete.

Babies n Boys, Roaches n Worse!

I don't have the energy for a full out blog entry, but I do have a few comments I've been saving up:

• The other night my roomie and I came home from a night shift to find 8 mostly-dead cockroach carcasses scattered around the house. Usually every week or two we have one roach in the morning and just do away with them. But to have 8 in one night?! I'm just glad I wasn't there, and glad to have a cat to deal with them!
• On Friday one of my patients delivered. She's one of those women who have lightspeed labors, and she went from 7cm to crowning in 30min. We barely had time to get the gloves on and catch! Wow!
• Friday was a holiday here - for the end of Ramadan, and without school the 10-year-old boys on my block have taken up camping in the parking space in front of my home. So a dozen little boys are roaming without their folks all weekend, sleeping on cardboard and trying to saw through the drain grates to steal and sell the iron rods. They’ve taken to singing me the latest pop song and yelling up through my open windows if I want to "sex with them". They’re harmless, but my question is: Where are their parents?
• There's a big tree directly outside my front gate (growing through the concrete), and currently a giant, dreadful, very poisonous-looking spider has taken up residence in its branches, just outside my window and just over the gate. I'm pretty sure it could get in the house if it tried and everytime I enter or leave I'm so afraid it will fall on my head. I'm even more worried it will disappear, and then I won't know where it is!!

Sweet dreams folks!

She's So High

Last night I felt so alive!
Yay for me right? Ha. Cebu's not that big a city, a couple million people maybe. But last night was the first time in months that I got out of the city, if even for just a few hours! And wow, did I enjoy the fresh air, dirt roads, a walk in the dark, sitting by the sea, and the open-air mini bus that got us there. Simple pleasures.
Around Cebu my usual mode of transport is a taxi, the only direct way to get anywhere. Occasionally, I will take a jeepney, but not too often, not like I did in Manila. But last night my roomie, a co-friend and I hopped an open-air mini bus and headed South to where a friend of ours lives. (Side note: jeepneys and buses are the normal transport here, they're what people take day in day out, this was not meant to be an adventure!)
And as we sailed down the main highway, dodging all the other motor and pedestrian traffic, music blaring so loud my ears hurt, and the wind whipping my hair around my face - I had an amazing time! It was a highlight moment.
I've taken buses before, here in the Phils, and in other Asian countries, sometimes I've enjoyed them, sometimes I've hated them. The ride wasn't new. But somehow it was a moment of feeling really present, it was an excitement and high that I haven't had a lot of this year.
I realize that most of life is just life, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes it just is. I don't think life is about high experiences, or that it's all adventure. But I'll take as much adventure as will come! Last night, being on the move, with the wind all around, and the speed. The feeling of freedom (although I was squished with my knees in the seat in front and my friend pressed against me), that feeling was a high.
I'm sure everyone else on that bus was just waiting to get to their stop. Just waiting to get home, and a bus ride was just the necessary means to an end. It is probably just daily routine. But last night I had a great bus ride! It was blissful. I love the open road, I love the windows down, I love good music. And I guess that a busy highway, no windows and loud music is close enough to fill those loves!

I'm Tall

Do ever have days when something really obvious about yourself is just suddenly more obvious? There are days, just every now and again that I realize I am tall. Really, really tall.
You might be laughing. I'm serious.
I remember one day a couple years ago, I was at work, walking around the office and I looked down, and realized that the ground was a long, long way away.
And then there were those days that I took the MRT in Manila, and while packed like sardines into the women's only carriage I realized I was the only one in upper third of the train. Yeah. (Thanks for reminding me Dad!)
And then today, I was stretching at the gym and I glanced in the mirror to realize that my legs are long, very long, and that it is ridiculous that I can reach all the way to my feet. Of course I would look ridiculous if I couldn't! But you get it.
So today, (as if it were less true on any other day), I feel tall.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas All!!
Yes, that's right, it's September, so bring on the "Ho-Ho-Ho"s, the red and green, the lights, the carols! After all Septem(ber) is a Brrr month. And to those of you, groaning with disgust at the arrival of another commercialized Christmas season, and those of you determined that such festivities should not, will not begin until December. I warn you: don't come to the Philippines in the Fall!
My Filipina roommate and I turned on the Telly yesterday morning (September 1), just in time for "Wowowee!"; a daily, 3hr long, dance and game show that explains at least half of Filipino culture. In my opinion I've already seen a lifetime supply of this show, which is filmed in Tagalog, and is based on barely dressed dancers doing some questionable dancing, and then having lone audience members repeat said dances and kareoke for cash! The show always starts with a major dance production, smoke, lights, and all, and it takes a good 30-45min for the games to really begin. Well yesterday in all my innocence, I was SHOCKED, when the opening dance was performed to a Christmas carol! Yes, in order to mark the opening of the Christmas season, there were red and green outfits, sequins, a big shining star, and Christmas music!! I'm not even kidding you! I'm told that over the next 4 mths I can expect decorations and carols in the malls, on the radio, on the streets - everywhere.
There are some days that I think I was born to be Filipino, and then there are some days when I stand next to one or smell dried fish and know; I'm Western through and through. And can I say, September 1, is a day I think I was born to be Filipino!

24 Hours, an Office and a Haunted House

We turned out the lights, and we had just settled into our beds, when the door opened and a head popped in - "there's another labour." On - go the lights, back up - goes the hair, out of the air con and downstairs to assess our patient. Within the hour another 2 moms arrive. And that was Thursday night.
Well, I've finally woken up after sleeping almost all day yesterday! Thursday was a killer 24hr shift and by the end I was falling asleep in the middle of endorsing our patients to the next shift. I couldn't keep my eyes open if I wanted to!
We had 3 births, about 30 prenatals, 5 postpartum patients, a couple baby check ups and 2 yet-to-deliver labours. I know that a list like that hardly explains the mayhem, so you will have to believe me that all those numbers equal a crazy, non-stop busy 24hr shift! And being busy is a good thing, it means we're helping a lot of people, it means that I'm getting lots of experience. It means that this clinic is really meeting a huge need in this city! But it also means that for every 24hr shift, I have to schedule another day just to recover!
On a side note - my recovery day included discovering the wonder of the show The Office, which I have long wanted to watch, and have found in my apartment on pirated DVD. A new addiction has begun, but its a very wonderfully witty one!
Also my roommate Tess divulged to me this week that one of the rooms in our apartment is actually haunted. Yes, isn't that great? Apparently many people have heard voices in it, and felt a presence. And also a lot of spirtual warfare has been fought. I'm feeling ok with it, but I told Tess she really could have done without telling me!

Ironic Dolphins

A dolphin comes dancing around the food court, and the little children at our table are captivated by this lovable plush bank mascot. Cause what represents a bank better than a teal, plush dolphin??
Well, amidst the delight of a 2 year old, and the ensuing pictures, we weren't paying enough attention to our surroundings and a man slipped behind my chair and nabbed my wallet from the purse hung over the side. Right in broad daylight, people all around, me in the chair. And once I realized it was gone we even knew exactly who had taken it! But by then it was too late, dolphin gone, man gone, disappeared into the other 18million people in town. Lame, eh?
Ultimately he only got maybe 1000p ($20-25), my cards and ID, and a really great wallet! And neither myself or my friends were harmed in any way. And maybe the guy needed those 1000p a lot more than me. What I find ironic is that I traverse this city daily, alone, up and down, and I'm regularly in the "bad" neighbourhoods, but it was in a classy, shiny mall with a group of friends. That's when it happened. Ironic!
So the moral of the story is, when a bank-endorsing dolphin comes dancing past you, grab your valuables and don't trust the guy with the kid who looks like he's looking at the dolphin. (Clever plan though!)

The Commute

In a mega-city where I am daily told to be careful I feel ridiculously safe living and travelling here alone. Today as I was in a jeep this possey of young men appeared out of nowhere swerving and running through traffic, running from something. I don't know if they were the good guys or the bad guys, but I suddenly thought, maybe this isn't the best place to be right now, in a jeep between them and whoever they're running from. Especially since the papers reported a couple weeks ago that a group of suspected car theives were shot and killed in the street. But seriously I don't feel in danger, ever!
These days my work takes me clear across the city and I'm becoming increasingly Filipino as I partake in a daily 1.5hr commute. I must say I'm not a fan! My mornings start out at 7:30 with a cab to a jeepney to a pedicab...not bad. But on the way home we get the expanded version, walk to a jeep, walk to the train, walk to the next train, stop and do internet and finally hail a cab. Here are some of my travel "adventures" and thoughts...
- As I was in between 2 trains today I walked past a bus station that was announcing the destination of its next bus. And I know my Tagalog and my Filipino geography aren't great but I don't think it's a good sign when your driver tells you you're going to "Bagio-blah-blah-blah"! I listened for a long time, that's what he was saying, I swear! If you can show me "Blah-blah-blah" on a map - I'll take that bus!
- As one of my trains today was passed over a graveyard I saw a sign for the "Honey Moon Hotel", let me just say that if that is where honeymoons happen, I'll stay single!
- Yesterday the jeep I was in died in traffic, and a dead vehicle is a bad deal on any street (believe me, the Lumina and I know this!), but in Manila... But amazingly with only a few minutes of honking the problem was solved. The jeep behind us simply drove into us and got us moving again, at which point our driver started our engine and we were off!
- Now I will collage for you my daily ordeal with cab drivers; first I tell my whole life story, then I explain my height, then I thank them for telling me I'm beautiful, then I tell them their meter is going fast, then I tell them I don't know Julia Campbell, then they ask if I'm single, then I tell them I can't give them my number or my picture, then my driver (a Muslim) says "Praise Jesus, you are so beautiful, you look like mother Mary", then we get lost, then I give them directions in Tagalog and then I'm home. Did I mention I do this every day, (okay the Muslim driver was only one night and I laughed out loud at him)!
I've been encouraged by a friend to consider the daily commutes as "adventures" and so I thought I would share them with you and hope you might enjoy them too, adventures are better when they're shared!

Caving!!

CAVING PHOTOS ARE HERE! Okay, so this is just a start, and when I get a chance I'll touch them up make them a bit prettier, but alas I have no such software myself. So take a look at the raw, untouched versions...
Notice here just how small this little passage way is - be proud of me!

I think this formation is supposed to be an animal's jaw, ROAR! And I think Jen is more cold and less scared.

And if you squint you will see, we are swimming in a murky, cold water hole somewhere down in the center of the earth! I avoided the menacing center of the pool, preferring where I could touch!

And here we are in front of our cute little Traveller's Inn - home for a night.

Life's Little Wonders

I made a chicken-nugget trip to my local Golden Arches and made some fascinating observations. I had to pull out my receipt and jot them down to be sure I remembered them. I called it: "The Idiosyncrasies of My Local McD's", and here they are:

• the mother-infant room was blaring obnoxious dance tunes - the general restaurant was enjoying peaceful silence,
• the tray paper listed off the many ways the store keeps food prep and service sanitary and safe - but when ordering at Mickey's, who's chief concern is health?
• this store ran their own day camp (it's summer break here), OK, weird already, what if I told you - they teach Catholic prayers and calisthenics?

Onto to other random anecdotes... I caught a ride with the British ambassadors wife this week. She's very nice and dropped me off at the train station so I didn't have to get a cab. I'll leave you wondering... And a Filipino man my age walked up to me today and told me that I am Britney Spears. Obviously you can imagine my surprise! But he assured me, she is his idol, and I look just like her, especially my hair. I actually laughed in his face when he told me this, what is the correct way to respond to the harmless stalker who is nuts, and blind apparently? (I almost felt like I must have switched lives with Chantal!)

Mice: a wonderful start to one's day!

Waking up to two mice on a trap at the head of your bed, both of them jumping and squawking wildly, is a wonderful start to your day. Especially when it happens at 4:30am. Then one of them gets away and hides under your bed. And then you have to get a bowl and try and cover the remaining dancing mouse. And then you don't really feel like going back to sleep.
Good morning world! It's gonna be a good day!

Things That Go Bump In The Night

So I wake in the night and turn my fan off, and roll over to back to sleep when some large, something palm sized, runs up my back! Yes, that's right - it's dark, I'm in someone else's home and my worst fear comes true, an unknown but large something crawls on me(towards me head). And I'm left frantic!
It was really horrible, but I managed to keep it between me and my roommate. So we've shaken everything out, and I'm standing on the floor considering a Britney Spears hairstyle, and trying to decide what to do for the rest of the long, dark, scary night, when my loving roommate motions that I should move towards her and away from the door. So I wasn't exactly rational and that had me scrambling to get back on the previously "deadly" top bunk! And this time the fervour managed to escape our "room". And our midwife woke to see if we were maybe catching a baby mid-air or something, only to find out I was freaking, and that the culprit in this case was actually a cockroach (had I only known).
So it's still in the middle of the night, and I break down - I'm crying on the top bunk and looking frantically around for the "enemy". And forgive me for this, please, in that moment I hated this place, and I wanted to go home!
But my loving roommate took one for the team and climbed up on to the top bunk, and took the spot by the "crack" (between the bed and the wall and the uncloseable window), and then I took the edge of the bed, next to her. And that is how we went to sleep, after I spent 2hours staring at the ceiling.
So if any of you have misconceptions about my bravery in coming here, now you know. I'm an irrational, emotional baby!

First Home Birth!

Friends... it has been an eventful week and feel that I've had so much to say and have not been able to say it yet! I'm going to try and give you the Reader's Digest version (as my father would say).
The girls and I have begun camping out at our midwife's place - births often happen at night, and night transportation can be somewhat sketchy here. So in the name of safety we're camping out there overnight in order to be available for births. Her husband and kids will be joining her to live up here at the end of March, and then we can stay home knowing we will have reliable night time transport.
So Alex and I camped out on Monday night and at 3:06am were rewarded with a birth, my first home birth! Melba is a first time mom, only 19 years old, and she did so good! She is also my continuity which means that I cared for her through all her last prenatals, through birth and will continue to do so postpartum. And she gave birth to a darling chubby girl - Andrea Jesusa, which is what her and her husband wanted. (Birth details, ignore if you don't want to know: ...I did 3 IEs, monitored vitals and heart tones, labour coached, cut the cord, gave oxytocin injections in stage 4, gave baby vit K and erythromicin. Melba laboured upright, and delivered in a squatting position, no lacerations - yay!)
And when I was checking up on her today she told me that they wanted me to be Andrea's godmother - which is so special! I'll be sure to show you ALL the pics when the baptism happens, but will hopefully have other baby pictures tomorrow night (my time).
So we left after the birth at about 4:30am and I was admitted to the hospital at about 7:30am! I'd been having serious abdominal pain for over 12hrs, and got to the point that I couldn't handle it anymore. So the hospital gave me a lifetime worth of meds and made me stay 24hrs. They also collapsed a vein when trying to insert an IV and gave me the biggest stinking needle ever, and I cried like a baby! I'm still not really sure what was wrong, or how to keep it from reoccuring, but for now I'm better. I'd really appreciate your prayers for good health!
Well I look forward to the days to come, we're having so many home visits, and there are so many mommies due in the next couple weeks, we should keep busy. I'll try to keep you up-to-date better and get some pictures on here soon. I really need some pictures.

Miss-Adventures

We've had a couple miss-adventures this week and both right in the coziness of our own home! Well on our patio at least. Do you remember that I told you about the rat problem? In the spirit of selfishness, we eagerly placed plates of rat poison in both our attic spaces (ie: the space between our ceiling and the corrugated metal sheets hung over it, it is not sealed!). And I am here to inform you that it kinda worked...
Two days ago I noticed a foul odour occurring right outside our door, and upon investigation we found a dead rat tucked very tightly in the drain underneath our cement walkway! Yes, pleasant isn't it! Well God happened to send our dear Aussie friend to visit us that day and she (being G.I. Jane), went in after it and pulled it using muscle and plastic bags alone! Thank the LORD for Kerrin!
So now here we are with a dead rat in a bag in a tupperware container (bye bye tupperware), and its just been garbage day and we don't want a rat carcass stinking things up, whatdya do? I've realized that we have a luxury at home I've never before appreciated - the Yellow Pages! Well, this was just miss-adventure #1, there was more to come!
So yesterday afternoon I step outside to make lunch (we have an outdoor kitchen), and I hear this sad soft whimpering. And I say, "Dear sweet goodness, WHAT IS IT?" Well, its a cat, yes, a sad wreck of a cat that is not in good shape (on it's best day), and is currently in it's last moments! Yes, we had a cat die on our porch, probably after it was in our attic and eating our rat poison. And that one had to be put in a plastic bag too.
So now we have two dead animals in bags, just sitting there. Luckily when we had our Filipino friends over for dinner they decided the best thing was to go up the street to where some garbage trucks are parked overnight and throw em in the back. And so we said goodbye to our four-legged friends.
This morning our dear Ate Doris came back and the brave little women climbed into our attic spaces to search out anymore failing animals, which there luckily were not. And we took down the rat poison too. I must say I'm a little afraid to step outside now, what might we find next? Yes, these are the miss-adventures of a house of girls in a foreign country!