a Soul in Delivery

Maayo Kaayo

2011-01-01T15:17:00.007-07:00

Twenty ten was this great year of God giving me good things. And I may not have blogged in the last 8 months, but it's New Years and the day, the season, demand some accounting of my living and some contemplation.
January 1, 2010. I was stuck in Chicago, for the second time in a week, ridiculously frustrated, tired and just wanting to be home! Ironically three days later, having arrived home, I packed my car and moved. Transplanting to Calgary with hopes of things that might come to fruition. And one year later I can say that none of them turned out as I had hoped or expected.
Thus far you're probably wondering where all the good was. Well, I fell into it, or God tricked me into it, or something! While I was camping out in the home of kind friends, working towards something else, God began to plant me in their neighbourhood and church. And by March I realized that I wanted to call this place home, and these people my community. So I've stayed and been so blessed in it all.
Last year as I wandered, (was that really just last year??), I felt like I connected with Henri Nouwen's question of Where do I belong?, and that's what I was asking God. And He responded with Bowness and Awaken. He took away the wandering in my heart, the part of me always looking for the next thing, the restless part. He planted me here.
January 1, 2011. I slept in after a late night with friends. Woke to sunshine and drew up my blinds, made coffee, turned up Sufjan Stevens and spent a few hours carving back the chaos in my life. Making space to breathe and live. I don't pretend to guess at 2011. I hope for more good things; I look forward to growing season again, I hope midwifery school starts this fall, I hope to create more rhythm in my life in this neighbourhood, I hope to make certain steps in loving people better. But that's all I've really got. I'm so grateful for what God has given me, for a year that was that good! Here's to another!

Spoons scramble at Thursday night dinner.

Working on my Skip It skills with this dumpster find.

Made a cross country trip with my friend Meghan, Hello Wisconsin!

Said goodbye to my dear old friend Matilda, moved on to Frieda the Matrix, and lost her just before Christmas. The New Year will bring car shopping.

Turned 25 on Vancouver Island.

Thanksgivng with my amazing family!

And for the first time since I was half my age, I'm rocking some bangs.

The Summer Reading List

2010-05-05T13:05:00.004-06:00

School is done, what a sigh of relief! No assigned reading, night classes or assignment deadlines for at least the next four months. I intend to spend the summer, which is currently being held at bay by May flurries, with work, gardening, reading and trips to the mountains. Ahhh!
As such I have composed for myself a summer reading list. I realized a while back, the complete lack of fictional reading in my diet. My non-school books still tend to focus on theology, spiritual formation and discipline and world issues. None of that creative stuff. So I am making an attempt at even list for the summer, 4 parts fiction and 4 parts not. The list:

Passage to Juneau - Jonathan Raban - This travel book, is actually falling into my fiction category. It follows the authors' sail from Seattle to Juneau via the Inside Passage. And all the while telling stories of the explorers, natives and contemporaries who have lived their lives on it.
Surprised by Hope - NT Wright - It's NT. And he's addressing our theology of death, resurrection and what the Christian hope truly is and isn't. I'm excited.
Hey Nostradamus! - Douglas Coupland - This will be my first Coupland read. From a school shooting in Vancouver a story is told through two students, twisting into their religion and life a dozen years later, all told supposedly with dry humor.
Freedom of Simplicity (Foster) / The Wounded Healer (Nouwen) - I am giving the two of these only one spot. Because I've actually already read half of each. And they're incredible, and they just need to be read to completion.
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen - I picked up a copy at a used book sale this weekend, and can't wait to give it a try!
Colossians Remixed - Walsh & Keesmaat - One half biblical commentary on the book, and one half what do we do with it. The subtitle has me hooked: subverting the empire.
Book of Negroes - Lawrence Hill - Follows one child forced from Africa into slavery, and her life long journey out of slavery and eventually back home. I will read it with a box Kleenex.
The Original Jesus - NT Wright - NT again. I found this at the used book sale on the weekend, and it must be read. As you can probably imagine, it looks at the historical Jesus.

There it is. Written in stone. The must reads. I'm excited to soak up all the ideas and stories and for all the new things to think about. And if this snow ever melts I'm looking forward to days spent sitting outdoors with one of the above.

Sunday Morning

2010-03-28T13:02:00.002-06:00

I had tea with a friend this morning, so I made dark chocolate raspberry scones. Delish!

Embracing Bright Sadness

2010-03-21T14:58:00.004-06:00

It's spring here all windy and sunny, and people out walking and buying bicycles across the street. I have been enjoying walks down to the river and around the neighbourhood, past incredible houses and yards that look like acreages, and rundown apartment complexes and boarded up homes. I love this strange place of Bowness.
I have been working with the twins for the last 3 weeks and this is really the perfect job for me right now! I spend my days juggling the babes, so far they're still so small that I can lift and care for one in each arm. Right now the most challenging part is feeding or burping them both at the same time. But the the true challenge will come as they get bigger. Yikes. All in all I think it's perfect: 2 sweet babies by day, social life and good night's sleep by night!
There are about 3 weeks left of school and my only remaining assignment is a hermeneutics paper on Hebrews 6, and whether or not Christians can reject Jesus and then be brought back to repentance. I anticipate it to be intense, but really good too, right?
Also good - Lent, I've been really challenged so far, and I'm glad about that. I've participated in Lent before and found my practice a little empty. This has hit closer to my heart, my choices, my pocketbook. Perfect. It hits when my favourite pair of jeans get a bad hole in them, I only have 2 other pairs. To shop now would simply be filling a need, but instead I get to exercise restraint and wait until after Easter. Wearing the jeans I like less, wearing skirts and leggings. Keeping my fast and recognizing that so many do not get to choose to simply buy new jeans when old ones get holes. Much less clothes they don't need, or luxurious treats like chocolate and lattes. This is my Bright Sadness this year.

Tulips on the Table

2010-02-21T20:59:00.005-07:00

I have tulips on the desk in front of me, and tulips are things that make me happy. So I smile.
Coming to the end of reading week I have accomplished a deplorably small amount of reading. Oops. Added to that issue is the part where my computer crapped out this last week, with no warning. Taking it with it all my class notes, which would assist my midterm prep. I'm hoping resurrection is in it's future.
Lent started on Wednesday and I decided to participate. I'm going to try to keep up with someone's version of the Lenten lectionary. But more for certain, I have put some restrictions on my buying habits. I tend to spend my "extra" money on such things as lattes, chocolate and clothes. All "me" things, and all offer me some sense of temporary satisfaction. I am not buying any of them for the next 40 days, and maybe, hopefully far less of them after.
Reason 1: is that they are ultimately selfish things, they don't benefit others, they are me hoarding good things all for myself. Reason 2: is that I believe that the excess of my budget is indeed the blessing and provision of God, for the express purpose of blessing others. And me using it so indiscriminately is actually me stealing it from those God had intended to bless through me. Whether those others are my roommates or the poor, or someone else entirely.
So I am disciplining myself. And very glad to be. It's already hurt on several occasions, and that is proof enough to me that I hit the nail on the head, and chose well this season.
One week until the twins.

The Hitchhiker Who Stayed

2010-02-05T01:07:00.003-07:00

I went to a show tonight and a girl I'd just met said to me, "your hair looks so... natural." Umm, thanks?? Now I thought I'd been having a pretty good hair day. I was feeling really great about my hair. Until I was suddenly feeling very self-concious and wishing I had crazy, unclean hipster hair. Thanks lady.
I've been working lots this last week, a different job every day, different house, different kids, different parents, different hours. It's a good way to keep from getting bored, and I've looked after some pretty sweet kids. But I'm also excited, because on Monday night I'll be interviewing for a contract nannying newborn twins! Which would offer more doses of normal and stable to my days. If I can deal with that. I think the demands of two infants would keep me on my toes enough. Until then, I'll keep touring the city finding all sorts of incredible and hidden neighbourhoods and beautiful homes!
Things seem rather impossible on the moving front, like things are just floating and maybe floating apart. I so want this to happen, I am excited and wish I wasn't being delayed. But I'm working on the whole trusting thing, and I love my current home and I really am happy.
I love this city, I love life. Now everything isn't simply glossy good, yet God has transformed my existence with joy. Not some ridiculous amount of smiling and happiness. But deep, peaceful and thankful joy. The wandering I did this fall was imperfect and so good, so necessary - I have been changed. Somewhere along the road joy hopped in my stationwagon, and I'm not letting it go!

3,2,8 and Joy

2010-01-22T21:02:00.004-07:00

3 weeks in Calgary. I love this city, and life is good.
I have 2 classes a week, Pentateuch and Hermeneutics. And it's good to wake my brain up a bit, shake off my thinking skills, find out if they're still there. I've gotta say I'm a little afraid for my 2 academic papers.
I managed to snag the job I was hoping for, and am finishing up paperwork and then orientation and I should begin sometime next week. The job: working as a nanny, taking either on call - one off jobs or short term contracts. Working with kids, lots of change, and hopefully not getting bored! I am so grateful, this is the only job I applied for and it's one I think I'll really like.
I want to say something about Haiti. But haven't we all heard so much, the papers, radio, tv, emails, everywhere. It's so heavy and makes me think about the tsunami, and being there and so far away, and feeling helpless. Usually I feel the farthest thing from the apostle Paul, when he spoke of how he wanted to go and be with Christ. I confess; I want this life, and I want Heaven and God too, but I want to go when I'm old. Right or wrong, that's where I am. But with Haiti, when I consider the depth of this kind of suffering, it's the only time I can really desire and ask God to come soon if that would be better. To stop the groaning of creation, of His people. Because I can't comprehend.
The stories these last few days, of people being rescued, more than a week later. They have been such a source of joy for me, of relief. People I know are finally going to have their adopted son. These are small glimmers of beauty and the faithfulness of God. I may not know how to deal with all the other questions about all the other people. But I will trust, pray and rejoice in what is good.
This week a very small "something good" in my life, has been the 8 tiny little sprouts of Basil plants that have made their appearance in a small pot in my house! They bring me joy everytime I see them. To increase my joy I planted Rosemary, Thyme and Oregano just yesterday and am looking forward to their appearance in a few weeks!
What is bringing you joy lately?

Dear Anybody

2010-01-03T17:04:00.007-07:00

I was trying to explain to Shye what this blogging thing was all about and she thought that the greeting above was best way to start. And so dear Anybody, I am moving. And how am I ever going to survive living in Calgary without this little girl and all her hugs, and a certain young boy and his attempts to dominate in wrestling.
I haven't moved in a very long time, moving is so much bigger than traveling or wandering. Living nowhere in particular doesn't scare me. Living by some loose and open-ended version of a plan suits me just fine. Not knowing, always new. Great. Staying put? I hardly know how. This week, moving to Calgary seems like the continuation of my wandering adventure, but at some point new is going to become old, normal, and ordinary. And I'm afraid that I don't know how to do that.
At this point ordinary seems a long way off, while I am moving tomorrow, I know that one month from now I should be 'moving' my things across the city again into some sort of apartment that may be home for some time. For now I will be living with a handful of new people, and then I will be living with more new people. I am going to have to learn what it looks like to love my neighbour and teammates in a place I don't even know about yet. I am starting school on Tuesday, and it has been 3.5 years since I was in school, what have I got myself into? And while for the next few weeks I am a bit of my own boss, I am also looking for a new job. There's plenty of uncertainty and newness on the horizon.
For now I am excited and ready for the challenge, but certainly sad to leave. The weight of leaving is heavy. I am not just traveling, I am moving. I am making the choice to be somewhere else, a choice to leave my family. I feel as though the decision was made too easily, and I feel as though it was birthed in me so slowly and with prayer. Both.
I am moving tomorrow.
From,
Kim

Christmas 09

2009-12-27T03:42:00.006-07:00

Hope you've all had a Merry Christmas! We enjoyed a pretty great day together.

And so this is Christmas...

2009-12-19T16:21:00.004-07:00

I am home, for a small stint, a window as wide as many of my other stays this fall. But it's home, and that always feels more stable. I have been here a week and will stay put for one more. Enough time to enjoy Christmas Day with everyone, before I hurry off on Boxing Day to my next location!
After 3 years of considering attending Urbana, and having finally ruled it out, I am now actually going. My connection with MoveIn had them urging me to attend with them, to assist with their exhibit, to see what God has for me and if perhaps He would use my presence there. I had been feeling pretty funny about the idea of going, my discomfort with the Christian-mega conference and celebrity-ism, added to my experience of having received direction from God this fall, had helped me to rule it out. I am not going overseas now or in the next few years, I am not looking to make a connection with a missions agency, I am not wondering how God may use me and my skills for His kingdom. At least for now I have direction. I feel some amount of wonder at how God has knit together good things for my life, and I am excited about these new things!
But after all that, I am going, I made the very last minute decision, and have been surprised to see my going almost completely covered by other's generosity. Without me ever asking. Maybe God does indeed have reasons for me to be there. So on Boxing Day, I'll fly to St. Louis and spend the week with 20,000 others in worshiping God and considering His mission.
And promptly after my return I will pack my things into some sort of vehicle and head south to Calgary, where I am moving in with a friend in her busy community of many. I have a place to stay for the month of January, with the hopes that a team will be ready to MoveIn as early as February!
And that isn't an entirely crazy hope either. Already there are 3 or 4 of us interested in moving in by that date. And I really believe that more people are coming, perhaps even because of Urbana, that we will have 3-8 people, maybe even 2 teams, ready to MoveIn. Part of my work in January is going to be doing the neighbourhood research for these future teams. We are looking to identify "patches" of socio-economic need, high density living and large percentages of unreached peoples.
Other than that, I have enrolled at ABC in two courses, I am working slowly towards finishing my degree with them, and mostly I just like the studying. I continue to wait for news about a midwifery program at Mount Royal, the media is publishing multiple articles about the great need and the lack of midwives - come on, let's at least get started at changing things! And I am looking for permanent full time work, which is kind of fun. Just what do I want to do? Time to try something new?
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, in whatever corner of the globe that you find yourself in! I am looking forward to another holiday with my dear family. My father managed to win a gift basket of wine etc, from his work party that should make the holidays a little merrier, if you know what I mean... And I have been appreciating as always, this season of Advent. I feel in this season, of the calendar and of my life, that I hear the voice of one shouting in the desert, "prepare the way for the LORD."

How Many Kings?

2009-12-15T15:30:00.008-07:00

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger
Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliest hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child
Is this who we’ve waited for?

Cause how many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
It’s who we’ve waited for

How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Only one did that for me

- Downhere

The Word Became Flesh

2009-12-02T23:19:00.006-07:00

"The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, generous inside and out, true from start to finish." - John 1:14 (MSG)

Here's an article about how God is leading many people in Toronto, in this thing I'm checking out called MoveIn. He seems to be getting ready to birth the first teams into needy and unreached patches in Calgary, where I hope to be apart of the initial research and teams moving in, starting this New Year! Click here to read the full article.

"It isn't some program or a project," says Paul, MoveIn's founder, "It's not some experience, then you back to your normal lives. MoveIn is our new lives."
"MoveIn is about prayer and obedience to the voice of God. It's about more than just meeting your neighbours; it's about reaching those who are getting missed."

"It's a kingdom experiment, there's no template," says Dean, a career man and a leader in the Flemingdon Park multi-team network. MoveIn is contextualized to
particular buildings and there are no rules to follow. There's freedom to fail and no point to playing it safe. He says it's exciting to see, "nominal Christians wake up from their slumber, open their eyes and say, 'so this is what Christianity is supposed to be about'."

T-Dot

2009-11-18T14:39:00.007-07:00

I've been in Calgary since last Friday, mostly just hanging out with Steph, and mostly waiting for a meeting I had yesterday morning. I met with a couple guys from MoveIn, which is a movement/organization/idea all about mobilizing teams of Christians to move into poor and unreached neighbourhoods in our cities. Which is what I'm interested in doing. Incarnational living in the context of community.

The meeting was great, I'm excited about what they're doing, and I'm excited that we could get something started here in Calgary. As a result of the meeting it seems that I am going to head east to Toronto for 2 weeks to see just how this is working out there, to meet folks who have MovedIn, and to help with some current admin-type projects. Breakfast meeting yesterday, and bham - I'm going to Toronto! I'm crazily excited, this is a great opportunity being handed to me, to learn and for fun and to make sure that this is what I want to get into!

Next Steps: Part 1-2-3

2009-11-09T12:40:00.007-07:00

Much to my delight I now find myself at home. Every time I travel I reach a point when I want to return to the people I love, which then requires me to also return to this city they live in! So, here I am back in GP.
I am so glad I detoured and found myself "waiting" in Nelson, the two weeks I spent there were necessary for me to finish thinking, praying, processing. And when it finally came time to leave it was because I wanted to be home, and not simply because I had nowhere else to be.
It is easier to return home to GP, and to be excited about it, when you know that your stay will be a short one. To prove that, I will be leaving again this Friday, heading down to Calgary for a handful of reasons and a handful of days, and then back up north. When I return I will try to find some work to keep me busy until Christmas, (if you know of anything...).
So the question now is obviously: What next? And amazingly I think I know and I'm excited about it too! I am planning on moving to Calgary in the New Year to find full-time work, and part-time studies. I am hoping to finish my ABC degree in the next couple years as I have a half dozen or less, classes left. That is part one.
Part two, I am pursuing an intentional community living situation. I have been reading, praying and having many conversations about community living for the last 2 years. And in particular, thinking about forming a community where hospitality and knowing those who are poor is part of the point. Very excitingly I have some leads towards building or finding this kind of community in Calgary.
Part three, this is the part that is a true miracle: Midwifery re-enters my life! Alberta's first approved, university level, midwifery education program is supposed to begin this coming fall, in Calgary! And if all the necessary pieces for that to happen go ahead and happen, then I will be the first to apply for the program! That means starting from scratch, it means four more years, but I have figured out how much I want this and I am willing to start again.
With all these things on the horizon home is a great place to be, I'm here to enjoy my family, friends and the next two months. I am continuing to try to live with the quote "Be Here Now" in mind, I'm trying to learn about waiting and living out my questions, and daily choosing joy.

Waiting...

2009-11-03T15:55:00.005-07:00

Update: We left the ranch, left WWOOFing, left California and Nevada. Ran to the open arms of Dani and Johnny in Boise. Kurtis went home. I hung out just long enough to make some plans and then change them. And left heading NW to Spokane, and on to Nelson, BC. That was the last 2.5 weeks and here I am.

I thought I would simply pass through Nelson too, but after a couple days of being here and enjoying the incredible beauty and the welcome of friends I decided to stay put for a (very) little while. In order to regroup, figure out how to deal with wanting to be a midwife and the reality of making that happen, and use the "left-over" time between leaving California and the New Year. You see I have an idea of what my plans are for the New Year. But really don't know what to do with myself until then. So I sat down, wrote out a resume for the first time in years and went around looking for work. It turns out that nobody's really hiring in Nelson, so that so far hasn't been too productive.

So I'm making some alternate plans. Ones that make me happy. And in the meantime I am trying to enjoy the lack of responsibility, the wide open days, this very beautiful place with low clouds, fall leaves, the very great Lakeside Park, and an outdoor prayer labyrinth. The warm welcome of a friend, the many places to get a warm cup of something. I'm calling this a vacation, aimless wandering, and waiting.

I have been reading more Henri Nouwen, who says this on waiting:

"Active waiting implies being fully present to the moment with the conviction that something is happening where we are and that we want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment, believing that this moment is the moment."

So I am waiting and enjoying, and trying to remember to enjoy and to wait. And I will move on when this time is up.

Rainer Maria Rilke

2009-10-20T22:26:00.006-06:00

On Solitude:
"Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast. And if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great; be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust."

On Christ:
"Why don't you think of him (Christ) as the one who is coming, who has been approaching from all eternity, the one who will someday arrive, the ultimate fruit of a tree whose leaves we are? What keeps you from projecting his birth into the ages that are coming into existence, and living your life as a painful and lovely day in the history of a great pregnancy? Don't you see how everything that happens is again and again a beginning, and couldn't it be His beginning, since, in itself, starting is always so beautiful? If he is the most perfect one, must not what is less prefect precede him, so that he can choose himself out of fullness and superabundance? - Must not he be the last one, so that he can include everything in himself, and what meaning would we have if he whom we are longing for has already existed?"
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Rilke is moving me and losing me in the vast solitude he praises, it's petrifying and beautiful. And I wonder, could we each be simply living a day of the great pregnancy which will reach it's fullness in Christ's birth? What do you think?

My Mind and My Travels

2009-10-12T10:12:00.004-06:00

I hardly know where to begin this post. I've actually been putting it off, because it feels like reporting a list of events, and not actually thinking anything. And who wants to read a list?

Let's try and get the list out of the way quickly: we went to San Fran, I wandered around Market and Mission and we went to a Giants game. That's 2 pro baseball games on this trip. I don't even follow baseball.

Then we moved north seeking the Pacific Ocean, and found it. And it was very, very cold. We tried to stay in a hostel, but it was full and found ourselves camping for $10 night, not bad. We also picked up a "friend" who was very interesting! He wore pirate shorts, and nothing else, we talked about how he would sum up the world with the word "Huh?" and about pot. He slept on our picknick table at the campsite. It was Friday night, and since we were already where we needed to be, we tried to head up to the vineyard we were supposed to start working. But they wouldn't let us come until Monday. So we spent 3 nights camping and hanging out, bathing in the lake. The nights got mighty cold for camping.

When we finally got to the vineyard, we were greeted with "Hey you're here, put up this clothesline." Basically the folks we were working for were miserable people who couldn't afford regular work crews and were using WWOOFers to do harvest for them. The other workers were most interested in smoking up and drinking, but they were just fine, we enjoyed them. We only stayed for 3 days and then ran away in the middle of the night to escape the bosses and "slavery", and laughing to ourselves that they had actually made us afraid! We went back across the state to the Catholic Worker, where people are glad you are there, feed you well and treat you with basic dignity.

We contacted the ranch we had plans with next, and asked if we could show up early, and they gave us the go ahead. We arrived Saturday night, to horses, milk cows, and wide open spaces in the Nevada desert.

In the midst of all this it's tough to figure out how I see God at work, what I am learning, what the point in any of it might be. I've been having lessons in learning to simply be, sitting beside a lake with nowhere else to be, may be enviable, but it can also make one feel wasteful. Is being quiet and unproductive wasteful?

I've been rereading The New Friars and asking this time what I can apply to the life I am already living. I don't want to be immobilized by it's radical call, I want to be changed. And I'm asking God to make next steps a little clearer, I have the ideas I've been thinking about, but I want to be sure He is leading, not me. And then there is learning how to communicate well with others, how to put others first. Trying to remember that God wants to work the fruit of the Spirit into my life, and that I must seek first the Kingdom.

My brain and heart are in as much a whirlwind as the traveling and working we've been doing.

Next Things

2009-09-29T11:10:00.002-06:00

We're moving on today, after a month here at the Catholic Worker we're making tracks. Heading to San Fran today, see a Giants game tomorrow, maybe visit a new friend who happens to be a priest. Go to the ocean, and then on to a winery north of San Fran to pick grapes for about 10 days before we head back this way and on to Reno to check out a cattle and horse ranch! After all the uncertainty of where we were going to head next, a way has been made. New farms, new places, new things! And by the way, it's still really warm.

At the Catholic Worker

2009-09-16T15:56:00.003-06:00

Life these last 2 weeks has been seemingly normal. All the while containing none of my usual activities, none of the usual people. Unusual food. Unusual work and chores. Unusual trips to Big Trees park and Yosemite.
I've been working at a Catholic Worker farm in Sheep Ranch California. We're 45min from any sort of town, but only 3 hours from a long list of great places to see in California.
My mornings start with a 9am meeting over "coppuccinnos" where we discuss the days work, the differences between mennonites, catholics, quakers and whatever category I fit into. We dig or back fill for various projects around the farm. Harvest veggies. Turn compost. Built a raised garden bed. Chuck rocks. Work on my tan. Sit and watch the chickens run free for 2hours a day. And then stop for lunch and dinner, using the garden's proceeds to try and come up with yet another creative connoction.
Our home doesn't lock, doesn't have much electricity at night, and won't promise you hot water. We have baby chicks, complete with the smell of baby chicks, in a corner of the house. And big black ants attack the toilet each night, swarming it. Only to be gone again come morning. We spend each night trying to find things to do to fill the night, trying to not go to bed at 9:30pm. I've finished the The Kite Runner and Spiritual Direction. My skin is often black, my nails too. I'm building calluses on my hands. I'm dealing with the critters and the snake in the garden.
But nothing feels out of the ordinary. This is just where I am. What I'm doing. Who I'm with. At least for the next 2 weeks.

2009-08-27T22:01:00.002-06:00

Since Portland we've been seeing a lot of the road, a lot of the sea and lot of fog. We never managed to find the somewhat secret Hobbit Trail, but settled on a beach with a lighthouse instead. We wimped out, and spent the wet and cold night in a cheap motel, did laundry, charged electronic devices. Functional and wise choices. The next day we drove for 45min before we realized we'd already passed our plans for the day, we turned around and drove 1hr back, and realized we didn't have exact change for the park pass. So we drove again back to town to get change, and drove back to Oregon Dunes park. We ended up back in the same town we'd spent the night for a late lunch in a fabulous cafe that seriously raised the stocks of that little town, and drove south through Denmark, and into California. And then we did the unthinkable, spent 2 nights in one place! The Hostel in the Redwood National Park is delightful, and so are the trees. So we spent 2 nights, in the fog, across from a ferocious beach. This morning we hit the road on time and spent the day driving south again, our destination: San Francisco. We stopped along the way at a roadside attraction known as the "Hill of Confusion" which "bends" gravity, and I'm still dizzy. Gotta run...

So Far

2009-08-24T12:12:00.004-06:00

It was a dramatic, disappointing and weary wait for this whole adventure to start. But here we are in Portland, one week since we left GP. Having perused Seattle's Pike Market, hiked 2 of our planned trails, seen Cape Disappointment (and toasted life's disappointments), and found a Kite Flying Festival on the world's longest beach. We've got lost along the mountain roads to Mt. St. Helen's, which were wildly unmarked and inconsistent with the map. Slept within 15ft of the most prolific train route known to man. White water rafted a class 3 and 4 river and gone over a waterfall, on purpose. Seen the world's 3rd tallest waterfall, Multnomah Falls. And eaten fiery hot Thai food in Portland, Oregon.
Today we move on down the coast, we reconnect with the 101 and all it's twists and turns. We get to frolic in the ocean, see the sand dunes and track the Hobbit Trail to a hidden beach.

Smoky River

2009-08-06T20:27:00.002-06:00

D and I spent an afternoon at the river. He and I are hanging out for these 2 weeks, I'm reclaiming my "domestic goddess" title, tying up all the loose ends for the trip and trying to get in decent shape.

Unemployed!

2009-07-28T10:21:00.004-06:00

It's official - I'm unemployed! Everyone else is heading to work, being responsible, continuing on in "normal" and I get to plan my own days. What do I want to do today? It's kind of exciting.
I'm sure my days will mostly fill up, appointments and errands I have been putting off, can be put off no longer. I have to do a better job of packing things into storage, need to soak up this hot weather and there's a grand trip to plan!
It's less than 3 weeks until Chantal and I hit the road the West Coast. I can't wait for the beauty of the ocean, the 101, the mountains, the redwoods. I have to spend these weeks getting into shape, cause I have been lazy since boot camp ended. So I've started into a regular regime of running stairs to get ready to hike.
And then there's the farming to plan, my friend Kurtis has decided to join me, and we're searching out the best farms in California! This next chapter of life will be grand!

Camp?... ...Check!

2009-07-11T22:51:00.006-06:00

Camp is over. Camp has been the final mark on my horizon for months and months. It has been the marker of the last big thing to be done in my term as youth pastor. I was scared of it, but I was straining for it to come. And as I knew He would God renewed my strength every morning, and I found the energy, love and creativity to make it through pleased with camp, pleased with the offering. I hope it was pleasing in His sight.
Over the next couple weeks I will tie up details here at work, and finish this chapter. Reaching unemployment, which goes along well with my current homelessness. It's strange to be in a position that for so many is one of brokenness, of helplessness and poverty. And to be here by choice and without suffering or fear. I am arriving where I intended to be, and I am supported on all sides by those I call family. I'm not truly homeless by any means. Just without an address.
One month to go, with some more work, some care of Dakota, more couch-surfing and then Chantal and I set off on our grand adventure, to be followed by my own WWOOF adventure.
I'm considering all sorts of questions and directions right now. And I'm trying to regain restedness. And I'm just about to realize the excitement of this.
And here are some pictures of the last 2 weeks of camp:

Sr. High camp at Jarvis Lake. I even tried wakeboarding!And Jr. High/Kidz Camp at Pineridge.

Gideon

2009-06-01T22:50:00.005-06:00

I don't have the power
I don't even have a clue
I don't have all the answers
I don't even have a few

But if I were really honest
And the truth were known of me
It might sound a little funny
But this is what my prayer would be

I don't know what to do
But my eyes are on You
I don't know what to do
But my eyes are on You

I lift my eyes toward the Heavens
Tune my ear to Your command
Help me boast in my condition
You're the God and I'm the man

-Jason Upton

I am in the midst of a lot of unknown, and that has brought out in me a sense of abandonment. Even a demanding of God to speak. Which by the way, He has chosen not to do. Perhaps because He knows that I'm seeking the answer above Him. And He wants me.
The song above, is called "Gideon (Valley/Victory)" and sits smack dab in the middle of Jason's album Faith. The album moves from start to finish as a journey, (as each of his do), and right now Faith is the guide I need to help me have the right conversations with God. This song is a one of those conversations.

WWOOF

2009-05-29T11:04:00.003-06:00

In the great expanse of unknown that will soon be my life and my unemployment, I have discovered one exciting option! After the trip down the West Coast (fingers crossed that this will for certain work out, it HAS to), I'm considering taking 3 months for more travel, fun and irresponsibility before I start looking for work and thinking about reschooling.
There is an organization out there called WWOOF (World-Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms), and basically members can volunteer with any of the thousands of host organic farms around the world. You work a few hours a day, get free room and board, meet the locals, see the sights and learn something new about farming, gardening, etc. These are farms are seriously ALL over the world, you can go anywhere, and your only costs are transportation and spending money! This sounds like a riot, I'm just in awe that such an opportunity is out there. And I think I'm going to go for it! Since I've already spent considerable time in Asia, it's time to head somewhere new, I'm ready for another corner of the world, and at the top of list: Argentina! Followed by Ecuador, any of the surrounding nations, and even just America.
So come September I may be saying Adios to GP once again, and hitting the road for something unlike any other adventure I've ever tried. I'm grinning just thinking about it.
PS: I'm looking for co-adventurers.

Cathartic Exercise

2009-05-15T16:00:00.010-06:00

I was encouraged the other night by my friend Jen to consider using my blog as a cathartic exercise, even when I don't feel I have any great thoughts to write. I'll admit I had to look up the word cathartic before I could even use it above, and I discovered it is usually related to laxatives. Nice. Well, here I am...

It's not as though nothing has been happening in my life that would be worthy of blogging, it's just not a main release anymore. I think being on home soil, where I tell my stories and my thoughts with most people face-to-face, has made this spot less of a priority. But I'm going to attempt to regain some regularity (regularity and cathartic - great!) just blogging from my thoughts, my musings, my day-to-day.

I guess I should mention that since my last blog I have traveled to Calgary, Victoria and California. Not too shabby for a 4 week absence. I led a group of students down to Calgary to spend 4 days serving and learning at the Mustard Seed, which is an inner-city mission. Our time there was really exciting to be a part of, we were so welcomed and God was doing good things in the hearts of our students. So I was thrilled! Victoria was our annual Staff retreat, where we are so blessed and looked after in an incredible spot on the sea for four great days! That included time on a yacht, sea kayaking, lounging in the outdoor pool, non-stop food and I guess a bit of work in there too - vision casting and prayer. And finally I spent the last week in California - Disneyland! The whole family went, that's 8 of us for 8 days in 2 hotel rooms and we didn't kill each other! I don't think Disney and the crowds are quite my style, but it was an incredible experience and we had loads of fun. I love my family!

And now it's today. Less than 2 months remain in this job of mine, and I'm starting to get excited about what's next, what with all the possibilities! I have had plans, and then they've fallen through a zillion times now. And I'm frustrated, and sad and excited. I think the next step is going to require some big changes and for the first time ever that is a somewhat nerve-wracking prospect. But it's not as though I really want to stay here in Grande Prairie either. My inner feelings are complicated, they contradict.

Amidst that complication it is becoming more and more likely that the second half of my summer is going to be spent with small travels, friends and adventures. I am cooking up a hiking roadtrip down the West coast all the way to northern California. Stopping for some of the best day hikes along the way and seeing mountains, ocean, redwood forests! I am hoping to take sometime at a retreat or with a spiritual director trying to make sense of some of my directional confusion and the emotions wrapped up in it. I've just discovered that my friends Jen and Andrey might be in Alberta at some point and I'd love to see them! And there may be an opportunity to continue my involvement in fundraising and speaking out against sex trafficking in a summer tour. And all of those sound either very fun or at least deeply meaningful.

I finish work mid-July and then I'm free. Free to do these things. Free to figure out where I am in the midst of what I have pursued and what might be next. Free to be unemployed...gulp. But definitely free.

J'adore Jasper

2009-04-12T22:07:00.007-06:00

Kayte and I made a Jasper run. We needed some oxygen. And fun.

We ventured across Jasper Lake, barefoot, in April.

Trying to be brave at the edge of Maligne Canyon.

Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?

My sister eats her hair. Help.

Drunk trees.

There was something in the grass!

What's left of the Moberly Homestead on the Overlander Trail.

Boise: the Hub

2009-03-16T08:28:00.004-06:00

Here I am in Boise, and I'm loving Boise! Why is it that so many parts of my life seem to circle around this small city that isn't my home?
I've been here since Wednesday night, and have been to four births in the last four days. Which is a little wild, and it is all so good! I assisted at my very first water birth. Which I've always wanted to see - so great!
I'm really enjoying The Baby Place birth centre. I'm really enjoying normal, healthy, natural births. I'm enjoying the beauty of the care that is being provided. I'm enjoying time with good friends.
And I'm revisiting places with people, memories and feelings attached to them. And seeing them in different light. Good. But weird. Church yesterday seemed so odd without my 30-40 friends of that summer three years ago. I spent Saturday night in my old home, no longer full with 16 girls.
And with so many things converging on this one place and on some of these people, it's hard to keep track of what we have in common, and what is separate.

What a Good Day

2009-03-04T20:39:00.002-07:00

A miracle was unfolded today. God gave me a gift.

I discovered just last week that all I need to complete my clinical requirements was one single experience, of any kind of skill. One that can be dated after January 27, 2008. So any experience I gain now counts.

And God provided! I had made a call, sent some emails, and I was waiting. Which I am very, very bad at doing. And just this morning my phone rang, one of my calls returned, the one I was hoping for. And an invitation was given to come and learn and finish my requirements! I am going to Boise, Idaho on Wednesday, for a week! I was crying and vibrating in my joy.

And then I went to work and received an email from my dear friend in Boise, with even more good news, and more excitement. In one day a wealth of God's blessings have been poured down on me. Jehovah Jireh. Giver of good gifts!

January & Music

2009-02-09T16:36:00.005-07:00

A catch-up blog is long overdue. I have become a bad blogger, and I don't know if any of you even read this anymore, due to my long absences. The month of January started with a great dance party and ended with a trip to Breakforth in Edmonton.

Which was an odd experience. I loved getting to hear Shane Claiborne speak, I went to all three of his sessions and I was encouraged and challenged! The rest of the weekend was just odd. I'm not sure what I think of the glossy mega-conference, with celebrity speakers and worship leaders. That's the short version. I wrote pages about it in my journal and I've had many discussions, in short I don't think it's something I would go to again.

I did enjoy a concert with NewWorldSon! If you get the chance to see them live, GO! They aren't my favourite anything, but seeing them live, what a show! I danced and jumped my heart out alongside the Wiebe boys for the whole set, what a blast!

This past weekend Scott, Barry, Andrew and I hosted The Gallery, a coffeehouse venue for local art and music that we love. This was our second go at it, and it was incredible! I got to showcase my photos, which was really fun. And the evening started with my sister's first gig with her own tunes, included the local act This Conviction and Chanda Cooper with some of her musical friends. What a great night! I love good music!

This Conviction

Chanda Cooper (w/ Bob Cooper on the kit, and Daxid Stobie all blurry on the djembe)

Martin Johann Kloppers (playing w/ Chanda)

"Jesus Changed My Life" Mad-Libs

2009-01-23T13:12:00.004-07:00

After a week of intense theological study with our High School students, we were talking about telling the stories of how God has intersected our lives. Which naturally led to testimonial mad-libs over lunch. Here's what we came up with:

Before I jumped to Baltimore I was always ugly. But then I gave my girl to mewithoutYou and they make me so sloppy. I am so dead that he changed my frog.

...and then...

My life used to be full of sea monkey, but since I farted Jesus into my coffee pot my life is full of grey apple pie. Jesus has slapped everything.

I hope these don't offend you. They brought us great joy, which will be to all people. Hence why I'm sharing them now.

New Years

2009-01-03T22:48:00.005-07:00

So this was New Years, in many many pictures. Let's just say it was a total blast, and very very cold outside! So that is my justification. Thank you Kayte and Nyla for such a good shindig!

We're time confused.

Kayte edited these, hence her calling me cool.

We may have found Nyla's old dresses, wedding, bridesmaid and grad! It was snazzy, and required dancing and posing! Here's a classic bridal magazine shot, plus a shower curtain.

And I guess I should explain, the pictures you are about to see are intended to be a sequence. This is the birth of my adult child.

Oh my baby, she's so beautiful! I'm so proud!

Remember, it was cold. Happy New Year!

A Merry Photo Shoot

2008-12-25T12:14:00.004-07:00

As I said, Kayte and I had a photo shoot, here are some of the results.

Hope you enjoyed.

Family Christmas

2008-12-25T10:35:00.008-07:00

Well first we decorated the tree. But that was weeks ago...

And then we dug in for a feast, but that was two days ago...

And well Ben's always been tall...

So Kayte and I had a photo shoot, and there's more to come...

And brothers were never supposed to be normal...

But sisters get to be pretty...

And occasionally an elf visits.

Merry Christmas!

Ben had to head back to Edmonton early, so we celebrated Christmas on the Eve. We had a nice little Christmas, with gifts more meaningful, and less abundant. For which I'm grateful. It was good to enjoy Christmas dinner on the 23rd, with Liz and Emmy and the whole family. And Kayte and I got to be a part of the Christmas Eve service. Well actually, Kayte, Barry and God planned it. And I got to read the Christmas story, light the advent candles and tell the kids, that the answer "Jesus" was coming, but not yet. And today the rest of the continent is on pause, and we are finished and already scattered about. Ben heading back to Edmonton with D, Kayte at work, Lisa with her mom. So I wish you all a Merry Christmas. And the awareness that Christ IS Come. The wait is over. Don't miss the fact that our giving gifts is only a mimic of the great gift Giver, One we can not surpass. And must not shove out. Blessed Christmas to all of you.

Loss

2008-12-15T10:35:00.003-07:00

Last week my cell phone was mostly stolen, and yesterday morning in the -30C my car would not start, and as I have been alone at my place, and have no cell phone or internet connection right now, I was totally stuck. I wondered to myself how long it would be until someone would come looking for me. Not to mention that I needed to be at church, it's kind of my job.
The solution I came to was to bundle in many extra layers, and venture out into the cold, and walk in the direction of the rest of the church staff's homes. Since we almost all live within a 10 block radius of each other. I walked in the direction of the tightest gathering of homes, thinking if someone wasn't home, I could go to the next, and so on. I was lucky enough to get a ride from the first home I tried, which was good, because I was beginning to think that in that cold, I might not make it back home, if all my pursuits failed me. It was a great start to the day.
I arrived at church in time for the second service, which was 2 hours late, for "work", but just in time to catch my parents coming in. My dad pulled my sister and I aside and told us the news we had been waiting day-to-day to hear. My Granddad had passed away in the night. Mostly my heart breaks for my dad, I think I'm better at empathy, than at feeling for myself. I feel the emptiness in this loss. For someone raised and firmly certain of the salvation of those whose trust is in Jesus, the loss of a family member who did not choose that trust, is decidedly empty. And somewhat surprising, I've always couched death in terms of "going home." What do I say now?
So now my task is trying to figure out how to support my dad, how to think and speak about this, how to pray.

Bearing the Scars

2008-11-03T11:08:00.003-07:00

On Saturday night, the worship keyed down, and the leader began speaking about the premature birth of one of his kids, and the battle for his life, the praying, the suffering and the leaning on Christ. And as often happens, my heart was transported to brokenness I've known in birth and death. And those pains were fresh in my heart, and in my eyes. So I'm standing just outside the auditorium, listening, praying, crying. And asking God to reveal why, I still hold these sufferings in my heart.
It's not that I think my hurts and trials even hold a shadow to the suffering of so many, I have been blessed by God, I don't pretend to have suffered myself. Instead, God has granted that I walk alongside others who suffer. Grieving women especially. I've seen abortion, I've seen stillbirth, I've told a mother her child did not survive.
And so the questions in my heart have remained, Why didn't our Lord intervene, when we prayed like we did? And, Why do I still bear these hurts so deeply? As painful as each of those moments were, I count it as privilege to have walked with those women in tragedy. But now it has been so long, why are these wounds so fresh, what can I better contribute or accomplish for the Kingdom because of these?
So I'm crying and asking God these questions. Wondering what to do with the pain, other than let it bleed out in my tears. And He reminded me that Christ bore the pain and sin of the world. And that God has always called His people to bear the suffering of mankind. I know these things, so I'm not angry or resentful, just lost. I return to the crowd of worshipers, still heavy hearted, and as we sing somewhere in the words God speaks to my heart. And my question is answered.
I bear these sufferings still because I can not become like my King if I do not. I follow the Suffering Servant, and to be made into His image, I too must bear the scars.

DTP 2008

2008-11-03T10:43:00.004-07:00

This last weekend we saw about 300 youth at DTP, the youth conference that we, the youth pastors of GP put on. They've been doing it for 5 years now, and this was my initiation. Going into it, I wasn't sure what to think, I guess I didn't have high expectations. But praise the Lord, He isn't limited by my doubts and small thinking. The weekend was very moving for me, everything the speaker was saying was resounding in my mind, and I was just praying that God would open the hearts of our youth to hear his words! Throughout the weekend their faces came to my mind, and I just prayed, asking God to open their hearts, this kid needs to hear this!

Mark Colwell, our speaker.

So I am grateful, and inspired, and feel like God has given me something to pursue with these youth, and some new resources to do it with. I'm excited!

Three Hills

2008-10-21T00:44:00.003-06:00

I unexpectedly spent the weekend in the little town of Three Hills. A sudden opportunity came up and I traveled down with our Sr. High Youth leaders for a Youth Worker conference. I'm really glad we went, I think God really spoke to a couple of my co-workers, and that's an awesome thing.
The most encouraging thing for me, was hearing long term, "successful" youth pastors and profs, share about their absolute failures! Strange, right? It just really lifted a sense of guilt and inadequacy from my shoulders. It also normalized my experiences and struggles this Fall. And I have some new resources. It was time and cashola, well spent.
And I got to see Mia. It's been a year and a half, and we've never actually seen each other on Canadian soil, even though we live in the same province. It was very good to see her, it was a sort of debrief and catch up. And also a new light to see each other in, normal life, not life on steroids as our other experiences could be likened to. It was too short, but I am glad for the visit. Thanx for the tea Mia!

VIII

2008-10-07T17:58:00.001-06:00

What can I give thee back, O liberal
And princely giver, who hast brought the gold
And purple of thine heart, unstained, untold,
And laid them on the outside of the wall
For such as I to take or leave withal,
In unexpected largesse? am I cold,
Ungrateful, that for these most manifold
High gifts, I render nothing back at all?
Not so; not cold,--but very poor instead.
Ask God who knows. For frequent tears have run
The colours from my life, and left so dead
And pale a stuff, it were not fitly done
To give the same as pillow to thy head.
Go farther! let it serve to trample on.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

This Fall

2008-10-02T08:51:00.006-06:00

It's Fall! Get out and enjoy it while you can!

A Mighty Flood of Justice

2008-09-14T23:07:00.003-06:00

This weekend our church has been fundraising and talking about the global sex trade, in our support of Serve Nepal, part of the SA Foundation, who are working with women who are coming out of the sex trade and giving them a safe place, new skills and restoring dignity. And as we were singing this morning God was speaking to me about His call to justice. Certainly not new territory for me, but a knowledge that has lain somewhat dormant lately. And especially in this place of working for a local church, in relative comfort and wealth, I am convicted.

We were singing, "You are the God of the broken/The friend of the weak/You wash the feet of the weary/Embrace the ones in need/I want to be like you Jesus/To have this heart in me/You are the God of the humble/You are the Humble King." And also, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is/There is Freedom", "I'm free/Free/I'm free/Free/I'm free."

And the Spirit reminded me - God is the Father and Protector of the humble and broken, something I think we all love and say "Amen" to. But there's that line, "I want to be like you Jesus/To have this heart in me," how can I sing that, and not be asking Christ to change me? How can I sing this song and not then go out to the humble, broken and weak. A simple revelation? For sure, but I don't think I've ever noticed that line in all the times I've sang that song. I've been moved by who God is and still never asked Him to make me Christ-like! At least not with that song.

And then we sang of the Freedom, and I was somewhat subdued and somber. How can I sing, "I'm free" when they are in bondage and suffering? What good, what gospel is there if I am free and that's just for me to enjoy and dance in and celebrate and cling to? The words fall empty and meaningless unless I bring freedom in word and in deed. But I didn't fall to despair because of that line, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is/There is Freedom," because I know that the Spirit is within me, is within all of His people. And His presence brings freedom. So yes - if we are not bringing freedom when we see injustice we are denying the Holy One within us. But also - if we will go to bring freedom, it is the power and character of the Spirit of God who will accomplish it! It is not by our might or strength or will. It is by obedience.

I was once told, "We are not free, until we are all free." And in worship of the King this morning the Lord reminded me of that. We in the wealthy Western church need to commit ourselves to stomping out injustice, whether it lies in our own cities, or in third world brothels. Whether it's in vogue or not. Whether it's safe or not. We have resources to serve the victims, and we make choices that are contributing to the demand! I pray that we will not deny the Holy One within us, and speak nice words of commitment when our actions prove our selfishness.

The Bottomless Lake

2008-08-29T20:25:00.003-06:00

It was 2 weeks ago my folks texted with a command to pack a bag and join them in Jasper, where it was very hot. I thought for a moment and did as I was I told, arriving that evening. I had two lovely, gorgeous weather days in the mountains. We floated down the Athabasca and I went swimming in the bottomless Horseshoe Lake. Which was certainly cold and mildly nerve-wracking. What appears in these pictures to be crystal blue waters was actually shear underwater cliffs, a black unknown full of fish. And I'm a sissy! But I eventually accomplished my goal and swam out to this fascinating island rising almost to the top, right in the middle.

Alas summer is over, winter has come and my feet and fingers are always cold. Sweater days are here!

the D tour

2008-08-06T20:55:00.007-06:00

Last weekend I made a province-wide road-trip with stops in Edmonton, Calgary, Okotoks, Longview, Kananaskis, Canmore, Banff, and Jasper. I also managed to see Ben and Lisa, Jessica and Jordan, my Nana, Kayte, Dakota, Sarah and Heather. I slept in my car one night. And took in Canmore's annual free Pancake Breakfast. Pretty good for a trip taken alone!
Now I didn't use my camera on the first half of the trip, but from the time I saw D, to the time I got home, I took a couple hundred shots. Stopping at every great view, all the way through the Rockies!
You'll have to forgive the little blur spot on most of the pictures, my lens needs looked at, and the pics need retouched. I have yet to do either.

The Steal

2008-08-06T20:50:00.003-06:00

I hit a Major sale at Tall Girl in Edmonton last weekend. And I managed to double my denim collection, which brings me up to 4 pairs! Uber-exciting. I bought two pair of jeans, originally priced at $130 each, and 5 shirts, for $130 Total!!
And as you can see, one of those pairs of jeans, happens to be overalls. Some really hilarious, wonderfully sassy overalls!

In Between

2008-08-05T22:30:00.004-06:00

Sometimes I wish to use this blog to share those deepest things, things that I get out best with pen and paper in hand. Which is something I haven't been doing this year. So sometimes I think it would be easy just to write them out here. But then there they would be, for all the world to read. And so I don't.
Sometimes I wonder at how my blog becomes a sounding place for only the happy and momentous. I don't share pictures of the day-to-day, and I rarely write of anything resembling pain. At least not since I returned home. Fact is I almost don't know where to begin. And then I wonder if I should trust the whole world, (though there are surely only 5 of you reading). So I don't write.
One thing that I have been facing, noticing and living in the midst of is my personal tendency to experience other's pain. Empathy. I have too much of it. For the last three months now I have been quite able to cry, in every moment. And I certainly have, I can't count how many times I've cried at work, I mean I even had a good cry at the swimming pool during Teen Camp.
I was talking to my Nana last week, talking about the realization and experience of a love that can not fix everything. A heartbreaking truth; our best attempts, (and our failures), all added up do not directly equal some sort of wholeness or healing. A mirror of the way that even God's perfect love does not force us to respond to Him. A reality of heartbreak. In my life and in others around me.
And I feel like an emotional cripple. I can't deal with the reality of constant sadness, disappointment and emptiness. So when I get a hold on all the tears, I straighten myself up, turn to look the opposite way and tell God, "I can't deal with this. You have to." And try to ignore it. Because when my thoughts and heart return to the matters that surround, the depths of brokenness overwhelm me and I become a person who uses cold compress tea bags to maintain a normal appearance.
Hmm, perhaps this is why I don't write. Because who in reading, wants to be brought down into the mire? I do not mean to cause anyone any sense of alarm. I do not pretend that the sadnesses I feel all around me are greater than the sadnesses that surround most of us. But rather I am in the midst, and I'm crying my way through. With desperate, ineloquent prayers too. So in between the pictures I post, I hope you might know me more honestly, living out happy occasions, yes, but not always carefree.

Head for the Hills

2008-07-26T17:38:00.004-06:00

Shye and I went for an adventure today, out at Kleskun Hills!
It's a pretty big hill for a small kid, and there's 5 more like it.
I asked her, "How big is the mountain?" "This Big!"
Greetings from the top!
This is us after 6 hills conquered in the hot, hot sun!

Teen Camp

2008-07-20T18:20:00.004-06:00

I've spent the last couple weeks doing Camp. Just finished an exhaustingly great week of Teen Camp. And I can't say I'm anything but excited for life to reach normal. It's been months and months since I've known normal.
Here are some pics from last week:
My cabin does the good ol' balloon toss!
Making sure "not" to spill any on the outside of the cup!
Giant inflatable rasberries make the best games ever!
Seriously!
Our cooks singing to us about how adults like good food to make sure they poop good. Yes, they said those words.

Crickets

2008-07-05T09:21:00.002-06:00

So I just saw this article where people are freaking out cause a restaurant has put crickets on the menu. And I laughed because I've eaten those crickets! A Cambodian delicacy!! Read the article HERE.

Happy Canada Day!

2008-07-01T10:30:00.005-06:00

I spent last weekend with family down in Wetaskawin, celebrating my grandparents 50th anniversary. Congratulations to you both. They had a great party, and I enjoyed explaining my life to dozens of relatives I only see every 5-10years. We got to see a video of my grandparents whole lives, which was very enlightening, I was shocked to see my young-Grandma prancing around in some pretty small outifts! Not that I blame her, if I looked that good I would too! And Kayte and I dueted a Rosie Thomas song. Now I'm in a mad camp prep season. I'm out-of-town this next week with Sr. High / Young Adults Camp, back for 3 days and then on to a week of Teen Camp. Which I'm ultimately responsible for, and have to have pretty much done before I leave Saturday. Hence why I'm working on Canada Day. So I wish a Happy Canada Day to you all! And I'm moving on to my lists of To-Do's.

Don't they look fabulous?
Kayte and I sing.
My Mom escorts my Grandma in the wedding dress they both wore!
My Grandad reading a "bit of writing" to my Grandma!

PS: Even though it wasn't on my To-Do List I managed to end up in the Studio Y? float at the Canada Day parade this afternoon. I'm waved-out!

Friday Freedom

2008-06-14T23:06:00.004-06:00

Friday marked the end of my first semester of leading Youth Group. Year One... check! Now on to summer camps... gulp!! I gotta say, I don't think I really expected myself to be able to do it, I'm not very self-confident that way. But here I am.
And in some bizarre and wonderful twist, I am so much more self-confident than I was in January. Public speaking, even, no - especially on faith, has become considerably less daunting. Could this be what God wanted to build into me, why He put me in such a bizarre role? I mean certainly my placement here has to be much bigger than what it accomplishes in me. I'm not the point. But in addition to what I am doing, there is the part of asking what God is accomplishing in me. And it is a beautiful thing to say that God is doing things in me, not the kind of thing that makes me feel better. But the kind of thing that makes me a better woman, and more useful to Him.
And that strengthens me, especially when the things of life are messy and painful.
So for the next 3 months I am a free woman, I mean I still have to work just the same. But my Friday night's are now my own. Now what do I do?

Ben & Lisa

2008-06-08T22:27:00.004-06:00

My brother got hitched yesterday, and I think that's pretty great! He married my good friend Lisa, (and it was about time), I'm so glad I can now call her sister! It was an incredibly beautiful wedding, such a fun day. And I love digital photography and the instant results - Enjoy!

Kayte and I. May I just say that I loved my hair!

So I'm always tall, even here...

...But not as tall as my brother!

The End.

The Call

2008-05-26T22:11:00.004-06:00

Amidst the mess of all my boxes, I just discovered my journal from the very first mission trip I was apart of, with YWAM LA, back when I was only 13 years old. My handwriting was terrible. But my notes and entries blew me away; God did mighty things in me in those two weeks. I found the following excerpt from the day after I heard God's call to ministry.

Father, at last night's lecture you gave me the chance to give you my heart, and life. Thank You. Do You know what? I'm very glad I took that chance. I no longer have to worry about my future, my will or my plans. I've heard Yours. I accept. I give You my heart, my soul, my past, my present and my future. Take them please. I am willing to give You my life, that it may be a blessing to others. You gave me a message last night, "Go ye into all the world and preach the good news," "To the ends of the earth." You have sent me and I will go, into all the world, preaching Your Good News! I find it so amazing that You would pick me to go into all the world. That you would fit me in to the Great Commission. That You have the time to look at me and say; here is where I want you and this is what you should be doing. Well Father it goes over my head. You want me! Please don't let me dissapoint You. May I make You proud. Thank You for choosing me! Amen.

Oh man, I wish I had that kind of clarity and certainty now! I was passionate, my thoughts were simple, I was naive. But I loved God, I had met Him, and I knew I would follow Him from that point on. I can remember that lecture. Not anything that was said, but where I sat and what that moment was like.
And I look back now, almost 10 years later, and wonder that God has indeed sent me into the ends of the earth, and called me into His work. That He has seen fit to use me. And I wonder, how much that decision and promise made to God, have shaped the course of my life. And if this is what He has done in the last 10 years, what will He lead me into in the next decade?
I marvel at my 13-year-old words and faith. And then I remember that I also saw fit to eat a bag of M&M Peanuts for breakfast each day of our trip. I was a bundle of maturity, and passion and childhood. Perhaps I still am. But He has seen fit use me!

May Days

2008-05-18T10:03:00.003-06:00

May has come, and with it many busy days. I moved across town into a basement suite with a girl from church. I'm moving right along in work, and camp season is on the horizon, I can't wait for time in the mountains!! I'm playing mom. I'm looking forward to my brother's wedding in three weeks. And a couple friend's return visits, it's been a long time.
Life is good and sometimes overwhelming. Who knows what is happening with my midwifery, nothing for now, it's been postponed. But I'm trusting Jesus, or at least trying to, always coming back to it. It seems like unanswered prayers, and dreams are a theme I'm encountering amongst many people these days. Hmmm.
But life is good.

Pray for Burma

2008-05-08T12:51:00.006-06:00

I urge you all to pray for Burma and to spread the word and prayers. And if you can, to give to an aid organization, I know World Vision has access to the country already.

In case you aren't already aware, a cyclone ravaged the nation-state of Burma (Myanmar) over the weekend, and there are already 23,000 confirmed dead. Many fear that number is going to reach 100,000 people. That's people - just like you me, me, and your mother. Missing and dead. And to comlicate things the military government is blocking access to much of the aid being offered. Many more thousands of people who are alive now are likely to die soon of exposure, starvation, and disease. Especially as dead bodies pile up, and poison the water supplies.

Complicate it all again, by the brutal junta regime's violent attacks on many of the tribal villages, particularly among the Karen people, who are refugees areound the world, in the thousands. And complicated thrice by issues of sex trafficking and child soldiers.

Plead to the Father for the junta regime to allow ALL aid and workers into the nation, and for the right equipment, food and supplies to reach the more than 1 million who have been left homeless. Just plase pray. And maybe also that somehow all of this will be used for good, and that democracy, and restoation might come!

Week Out

2008-05-03T23:46:00.003-06:00

Why does anyone live in Grande Prairie?? That's what my week in Victoria left me asking! Tulips, Ocean, Lush Green, Outdoor Pools, NOT Grande Prairie!!

Louis steers the boat, NOT into the BC Ferry.

Trapping Crabs.

Climbing the corporate ladder.

We took the city!

Tomorrow's the Day

2008-04-27T22:41:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow I go to Victoria. Mmmm. I'm happy.
Ever since I said goodbye to the ocean and island living in December, I've been looking forward to the spring Staff Retreat. In a few days there'll be pictures.

Odds and Ends

2008-04-21T23:17:00.004-06:00

Here are the Odds and Ends:

I'm feeling enormously better from the pneumonia, all is well. We discovered the likely cause: a large radius of mold caused by a slow leak in our basement, leaking directly into my room! Really nasty, but we've got it cleaned up and I've moved back down.
The Edmonton road-trip worked out, I got to see my grand-folks, and go to the concert. The John Butler Trio are amazing - so freaking talented, I can't even explain. And The Skylight Room is a bit of a hole. And driving home all night and going to straight to work, is not the best plan!
My midwifery degree seems to be falling apart at the seams, as the saying goes, "anything that can go wrong - will." I'm trying to figure out the pieces, and trust Jesus that He led me into this in the first place, and He won't leave me hanging. At least not forever.
My Kuya TonTon just called me, all the way from the Phils, just to talk! I was so blessed! He and my Ate Nona, were my Manila-parents, they run the guesthouse I ended up living in for a bit. It was so special to hear from him, and seriously bizarre to get an unexpected call, late on a cold and snowy night!
And then there's that... last week it was Spring, the snow was gone. This week it's Winter all over again, brushing off the car, letting it warm up, icy roads, 2ft of snow! Absolutely unacceptable!!
I'm looking forward to 2 things: next week is our staff retreat... in Victoria!! Can't wait for a beautiful place, and some semblance of heat. And in a couple weeks I'm moving into a great basement suite with one other friend, and it will be great to reclaim certain freedoms!
And now I have a prayer request, for a little 2-year-old girl who's facing a deadly cancer. Please pray for Charlize, as her last chance is receiving a stem cell transplant tomorrow. Her immune system is very very low, pray for a true miracle!!

"Friends"

2008-04-10T22:18:00.003-06:00

I just discovered a function on Facebook that is utterly fascinating. And I quote:

You can select up to 30 friends that you prefer not to see in your News Feed. You will only get stories about these people if nothing else is available.

Ah yes, Facebook has once again really captured the spirit of true friendship! It's a good way to take care of those pesky "friends" and make your life easier. Who wants to read News Feeds about these people anyway? Well, maybe, if there's nothing else to snoop on, then I'll want to catch up on the gossip of the lowly.

There's Not Enough Oxygen

2008-04-10T20:09:00.004-06:00

There's not enough oxygen in the world this week. I've had the mysterious misfortune of developing a sudden case of pneumonia. Not that I know anyone with pneumonia, or that I've been sick, I went to bed healthy and fine and woke up, not so healthy and fine.
So I went to the Doc yesterday, and after waiting an hour, it's my turn, and it is then they tell me I don't have health insurance. What?? I'm Canadian, I'm Albertan, I'm working, therefore I have health insurance. In the end we had to pay, call Alberta Health, get a refund, blah blah blah. But how could I not have health insurance? And it's the kind of thing you only ever find out in the hour of need.
Anyway, in all of that ranting I realize that some 90% of the world's population don't have health insurance and never will, so...
Now I'm on meds, and hoping they work, I've been waiting for this coming weekend for a long time, as some friends and I are set to for a 1-day road trip to Edmonton for a concert - John Butler Trio. And also the chance to see my grandparents after 2 years!! And buy a pair of jeans that fit me. All very good things. And as it is now, things are looking pretty iffy for me. Arghh.
So apparently this is a whine and rant blog, I apologize, you can stop reading if you want. My brain's probably slightly cooked and rattled after 2 days of high fever and so much coughing! The stairs, getting out of bed, sitting in a chair, all of these have been enough to put me out of breath these days. Apparently there's not enough oxygen in the world this week.

Oh Yeah... Homework

2008-04-01T22:36:00.002-06:00

The last few months, my mind has been anywhere but midwifery. There were a few too many other things on my plate, and I needed a break. Yesterday that all stopped!
I realized that I have about 2 months to complete all my requirements so that I can write my NARM board exam this summer. And that means that I will be replacing my social life with homework until the end of June, and then replacing that with pure studying! The fun stops here. And an entirely different "fun" picks up again. So if I'm not working you can be sure I'm studying.

We Ski for Free

2008-03-17T10:34:00.006-06:00

Well, it's been four years since my last Ski attempt, and yesterday I tried again. Dad's company puts on a ski day every year, but I haven't been around since the year Dakota came, so it's been a while. Did I mention that this was only the 3rd or 4th time I've ever been on downhill sticks? And as such, our family has switched to snowblades, we finds it fits our clumsiness far better! But for all my un-co-ness, I did my best skiing ever, and have only one really good bruise on my left rear.
I feel like this has been one of my most Canadian winters ever! I made it out sledding a half dozen times, skated twice, went skiing, and rediscovered pure maple syrup as the secret ingredient of everything!

Tag

2008-03-14T12:34:00.005-06:00

My dear friend Jen tagged me in I dunno-what-kinda tag. And I'm not really sure why I have the impulse to take on the torch being "it", but I am being "it". Therefore I will now quote to you the 5th, 6th and 7th sentences of Page 123, of the nearest book, which happens to be "Help: My Kids Are Hurting." I should reiterate that I'm currently a youth pastor, which makes the book choice seem a little less, from left field. Question: where is the number 4?

In a 1993 survey conducted by the YWCA of Indianapolis at the Indiana Juvenile Correctional Facility -
141 of 150 female offenders had experienced at least one painful loss prior to incarceration.
a 2003 update of the survey found the 99% of those surveyed had experienced multiple losses prior to incarceration.

And those are the facts about grief and loss I guess! So I've played my part, and now I tag Chantal, Mia, and Lindsey. If you're reading - you're "it"!

Reuben n Greene

2008-03-12T23:29:00.005-06:00

I suppose I should mention that the GP Youth had the privilege of seeing John Reuben and Veteran Green, not once, but twice last week! I love the chance to lose my dignity, get a little sweaty and act like I know hip-hop! They were 2 great shows, and whoever didn't come - missed out!

The Jesus of The Shack

2008-03-11T20:48:00.006-06:00

Our high school Girl's group is working through William P. Young's The Shack, which seems to be the "it" book of the season. It has been hyped to be the Pilgrim's Progress of this generation, and I'm anxious to know it's greatness.
This week, Megan's many accents led us into what seems the beginning of the real action. And we met God, in three persons. I won't get into the details, why ruin the suspense, instead I want to take you to a quote that has rocked my thoughts, God the Father is in conversation with Mack, the main character. And as Mack tries to make sense of God's identity and God as trinity, (somewhat heady topics, eh?), God challenges the assumptions Mack might have about Jesus. And apparently assumptions that I do hold. The quote is a bit long, but stick with it.

"When we three spoke ourself into human existence as the Son of God, we became fully human. We also chose to embrace all the limitations that this entailed. Even though we have always been present in this created universe, we now became flesh and blood. It would be like this bird, whose nature is to fly, choosing only to walk and remain grounded. He doesn't stop being the bird, but it does alter his experience of life significantly.

..."Although by nature he is fully God, Jesus is fully human and lives as such. While never losing the innate ability to fly, he chooses moment-by-moment to remain grounded. That is why his name is Immanuel, God with us, or God with you, to be more precise."

"But what about all the miracles? The healings? Raising people from the dead? Doesn't that prove that Jesus was God - you know, more than human?"

"No, it proves that Jesus is truly human."

"What?"

"Mackenzie, I can fly, but humans can't. Jesus is fully human. Although he is also fully God, he has never drawn upon his nature as God to do anything. He has only lived out of his relationship with me, living in the very same manner that I desire to be in relationship with every human being. He is just the first to do it to the uttermost - the first to absolutely trust my life within him, the first to believe in my love and goodness without regard for appearance or consequence."

"So, when he healed the blind?"

"He did so as a dependant, limited human being trusting in my life and power to be at work within him and through him. Jesus, as a human being, had no power within himself to heal anyone.

..."Only as he rested in his relationship with me, and in our communion - our co-union - could he express my heart and will into any circumstance. So, when you look at Jesus and it appears that he's flying, he really is...flying. But what you are actually seeing is me; my life in him. That's how he lives and acts as a true human, how every human is designed to live - out of my life." (Pg. 99-100)

There's more, but I'm sure this is all you'll get to in one read. Even my concentration is slipping into the fuzzy recesses of my mind. What a quote! If this is true, I need to read my gospels again with new eyes.

Bad Blogger

2008-03-05T08:42:00.002-07:00

I've become a bad blogger. Sorry. It's been a long time since I've graced this page with new words. Well in this moment I'm putting off heading to work, don't worry, I'll go in a minute. Life is good. Mr. John Reuben is here tomorrow night - should be a great show! We've been looking forward to this for quite a while - I hope a ton of kids come out! Guess I'm gonna have to put my hip-hop on.
And then even more than that, Friday morning we're all heading to Calgary for Emerge - ABC's youth conference. I haven't been to Cowtown in 2 years, and I'm excited. Of course this time I'm responsible for the well-being of almost 20 kiddos. Yikes! If you're out there, I'd appreciate your prayers for our safety and for the weekend to have a lasting effect.
Well, starting the car and heading in the direction of the Work can only be avoided for so long.

Soul Restoration by Moonlight

2008-02-19T19:36:00.004-07:00

As my whole family found it prudent to be elsewhere this Family Day, I took advantage of the day off with some dear friends. And filled a deep need in my soul for nature, not quite the Rockies, but a bit of beautiful medicine, in Tumbler Ridge.

It being several hours drive away, and us starting mid-afternoon, (due a certain game of Settlers lasting till the middle of the night before), we started our outdoor pursuits at a rather late hour. And you will see, as we traversed this bit of Woods, the sun slipped away into night, the pinks hid behind the hills and the moon rose higher.

I had the good fortune of traveling and trekking with the lovely young-Jones family, which meant that we had great conversation, good travel tunes, and lots of hilarious fake-sneezing, on Lilah's part.

Before we ended our journey back at it's beginning, we paused to overlook the expanse, dark but for the moon, and quiet but for distant highways. We felt mighty from our vantage point and then we closed our mouths, as the truly Mighty roared suddenly through the trees.

By the night light of the moon,
You wrapped Your arms around me,
Told me I was safe here,
And told me that You loved me.

In silent words You spoke it,
To a feeble body such as mine,
Your gentle, tangled forces blow,
By the moon, hung in Your sky.

Must Have...Lost!

2008-02-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

I just finished Lost Season 3, I've been two episodes short for the last four or five months. And tonight I poured a large mug of tea, grabbed a bag of Clodhoppers and watched the last disc.
Now, I'm freaking out!!!
I'm trying to download 'itunes', so that I can download the first two shows of this Season. And it's moving slower than a tortoise. I'll be back to work Tuesday, and still non-the-wiser at this rate! And the lovely ABC.com only streams to American viewers, thanks a bunch!
But I've got to know! I'm freaking out. What has happened to Jack? And poor, poor Charlie. And where is my dearest Sayid?
Someone help me out!

Meeting the White Hairs

2008-02-09T17:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a mildly stressful day as I was forced to realized my wonderfully plotted idea of bussing the kids to the Old Folks home was slightly flawed. Yes, at -30 something, busses don't really like to start. Faced with this fact in the early morning, I spent my day planning an alternative Service Project, just incase when we tried to fire the bus, (an hour before Youth began), if it wouldn't run, we would atleast not be scrambling!
And in a demonstration of my self-sufficiency, I went about all day madly planning the "in-case event", and didn't spend a moment in prayer about it! Seriously, what was I thinking? When it finally hit me, late afternoon, I sorted things out and asked God to intervene as He would will. And when they tried the bus a half hour later, she purred. Much to my delight!
So we went on to Wildrose Manor, piled off the bus and headed in to greet a snowy haired crowd. A smallish crowd I should say. And our kids picked up boxes and spread out, finding interested parties and setting up games of Scrabble, Monopoly and SkipBo. And the games went on for more than an hour, stories were told, and us young-uns generally got beat pretty good! At the end of the night we pulled out song sheets and enjoyed some hymns together, made our goodbyes and ducked out.
They loved us! And from all the reviews and anecdotes I've gathered - we loved them! I saw those kids come alive, even the crew who can usually be rowdy, or fearful of boredom, were attentive and kind. There wasn't a single issue of discipline, no warnings given. No better visit to an Old Folks home has ever happened in the history of Youth Groups! (Maybe that's a bit self-important!) It was awesome to watch! We were invited to come back anytime, and as far our teens are concerned - That'd be great!

Bright Sadness

2008-02-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

After a week battling a mysterious stomach-something, I seem to have recovered. Much to my Great delight! This peculiar affliction sabotaged my good night's rests, while leaving me with normal-but sleep deprived days. I'll breathe easy after one more peaceful sleep.
Thankfully I managed to make it to work all week, and had a hectic but rewarding Friday. Friday's are the big show day, beginning each week at an unfortunately timed 7am prayer meeting, they keep trucking straight through till Youth Group wraps up around 10-11pm. T-i-r-e-d!
We had a great night - exploring the noise distractions that fill our lives, and the real goal of Lent - removing our distractions to make room for more intentional times with Yahweh, and doing justice to our neighbours. We listened for Him to speak in the Names of Christ, and in the way He cares for the birds and the lilies of the field. And those who wanted made commitments to Remove, Add, and Do Justice. All starting this Wednesday.
Myself, I will be giving up my at-home Facebook time, that hour of bored surfing and time wasting, is gone for 40 days. And the whole lot of us will be heading out to make friends with the elderly at a local Old Folks home this week.
Because this is the time of Bright Sadness, the advent to Holy Week. Remembering Christ's death in full view of the redemption and life He purchased. Living in the way of Easter Sunday, not far removed from the tragic Friday, but full of hope and wonder.
And I think it's pretty cool that a bunch of kids are willing to give that spin!

Juno

2008-01-27T22:37:00.000-07:00

I've just seen Juno.
And it was a fantastic film! Maybe I should say that I prefer the word "film" to "movie", as I feel that the latter suggests merely mindless entertainment. While films are smart, emotional, beautiful, or otherwise worthwhile. It wasn't perfect, it had a certain rough edge: on every side. But it was good.
I've just finished bawling in my kitchen.
And I don't know why. I'm not the type to cry at just any sappy scene, No, it's the surprising moments that claim my tears. Like the Tim Hortons commercial with the Chinese father and son, where the father disapproves of hockey, but secretly shows up to every game. That commercial does the trick.
Tonight it was the delivery scene in Juno and the moments after, as she just cries; my tears came, and the shakes, and I couldn't tell you why. Even now, and 10 minutes ago, I'm crying. I'm deeply, deeply sad or moved or called or lonely. I'm not sure how to title the emotion. I don't know what it is. It's just an ache with tears.
Watch Juno, it's good, really good. You probably won't cry, the film is clever and light, but it's the heaviest light to me right now. And I want to understand just why.

Snowballs and Mafia

2008-01-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

Another week, another Youth Group down, whew!
I had a blast tonight! We started off with a couple minutes of lovely awkward silence in the basement, that wasn't planned, but did really fit well in with our theme...
But then we really got going with one of the best snowball fights I've ever been in, a wonderful affair, of treason and cold, cold earfuls of snow. When that was sufficiently worn out, and our bodies sufficiently wet, we headed back inside. And enjoyed the most efficient game of Mafia ever played, anywhere - 4 mafia pinned in 4 rounds!
Which was good, because we had just enough time to get on to our theme: Noise. If you've ever heard of the Nooma videos, they're a really neat series of 10+min snippets; Rob Bell discussing one thing or another. And rather thought provoking too. So heading into a season of Bright Sadness next week (LENT), this was a good discussion to get our minds rolling, on the noise and distractions in our lives.
"Does the amount of noise in our lives have any connection to our inability to hear God?" And what things might we want to try removing, what distractions could we lay aside, even just for a short time?
So we had some really good discussions, I was really, Really impressed with all our kids! And really, Really moved by God showing up. This week I feel like, "Yes, we had a great night at Youth Group. God was there and we had ourselves a lot of fun!" I'm feeling jazzed tonight, just cause He showed up and worked out all the plans. Now I must sleep, after all morning comes early and next Friday will be here so fast.

The Twin-ed Life

2008-01-19T22:52:00.001-07:00

I ran my first Youth Group last night! In two words: "Hectic Fun!" We had the good company of all sorts of twins, including Elvis and his (stillborn) baby twin brother. I'm serious the kids came up with that one themselves, while perhaps not in the best taste, they are terribly creative. Yes, it was Twin Night, complete with Siamese twin games (duct-taped together), a Choco-pudding feed race, and finally a talent show!
To end the night I spoke about my time in the Phils, and how greatly God looked after me. Ending with a moving and clever, (ahem!), slideshow, which did of course include some beautiful Twins. And the kids listened really well, or at least respected the "you can be bored, just be quiet" request. (Insert smiley face here.)
I felt a little stressed with the whole event, but in reflection realize that that is mostly to be expected and that things went remarkably well, and according to plan. I think we all had fun too.
I'm certainly left wishing I had one of those magnetic personalities that draws peoples' attention and creates a sort of energy. That would be nice... but I guess they'll have to deal with dull, trying to be able to be loud-enough Kim. (Smile again.)
That's okay, in my weakness He is strong.

Good Things

2008-01-11T22:50:00.000-07:00

I have had two amazing moments this week! How am I so lucky? And should I really chance mislabeling it with the word "luck"?
What a place to be in, I feel that I am starting something with incredible blessing being placed on me. And it might turn out to be a very difficult thing, it might be very demanding, and I might even have to do battle sometimes. But it is starting so good, I'm being given the gift of starting well. Everything that anyone else can do to help me start, is being done, is being given. The rest is really up to me and my faithfulness to God and task set before me.
The first wonderful Moment happened during Tuesday morning staff meeting, not a place that many people look to for good gifts! But I was welcomed, with warm words, into a group I already know. And they surrounded me and they laid hands on me and prayed, setting me aside for this ministry.
And Moment two happened just tonight, after a chilly couple hours of sledding, with the Youth who have been placed in my care. As they too encircled me, and laid hands and prayed, and the faith-filled prayers of these 14-17 year-olds praised God for His plan. And we all asked Him to do great things in this time, and to make us willing to serve, and to use our gifts.
I am loved, and trusted. And I love them in return, I don't think a better group of teens exists anywhere, these are really great kids! And God has given them to me, and me to serve them. And that is a huge responsibility, I feel it, and I know it's heavy - but I am really just thrilled.
Who wouldn't be thrilled when they had just enjoyed a cupcake buffet with "Welcome Kim" spelled out over top?

Blue at Night

2008-01-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

I ran home tonight, hoping to catch the last bits of sunlight before the day was done. I was anxious to finally catch the beauty of the hoar frost, which always seems to melt before can I train my lense on it. And I succeeded, in those last blue moments of the day. As for my payment, to the snow and the trees, I sacrificed feeling in my fingers, and gave to the cold, a bite.

I Am IYMD!

2008-01-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm in! I started the new job on Wednesday, and I've day-by-day been trying to figure out what it means to be Interim Youth Ministries Director. My big question has been, How do I take these lists of what I'm supposed to accomplish, and make them happen? How does what task I choose right now, lead to Youth Groups, Conferences, and Camps? And that which is even harder to nail down - to discipleship? (Insert proverbial "Duhn-Duhn-Duhn!")
So I'm spending lots of time in the Prayer Chapel. And making my rounds through everyone's offices, gleaning wisdom, and details and old paperwork; to sort through and integrate. And come Friday, we'll get down to business and do Youth Group.
Here goes! If you're the praying kind; please be lifting these kids, this ministry and this me up to the Father.

A Sword

2007-12-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

This morning in church my little sibs, age five and nine, pulled out two paper-cutout crosses, turned them around and waged battle against each other with their "swords". The Cross of Christ as a weapon. So we made them stop, obviously a full out war in the back of the Sunday service would be disruptive. But more than that, I was embarassed, red-in-the-face that they would move to violence with such a terrible and sacred image.
This is the world we live in, this is in our broken-nature. Violence flows out of us as easy as a smile. And more than just their would-be war, I realized that we have never taught them that those who wield the Cross ought not to wield swords. And that our faith must never ever be a weapon, that the Way of the Cross is a way of Peace. Because Christ has called us to much more, and much better.
We all have so much to learn.

Winter + Family = Christmas

2007-12-24T13:36:00.000-07:00

All Daddy's girls in one place for the first time. We took advantage of the weather and went for some morning sledding on Christmas Eve.
Mom and Shye.
We could be sisters. Wait, 2 of us are.
Dad and Dakota.
"Sisters, sisters, never were there such devoted sisters."

Into the Grey

2007-12-23T15:34:00.000-07:00

After another great Sunday at Church I headed out with friends to enjoy lunch and their good company. We settled into BP's lounge and discussed many things like cats and hammers, psychopathy and patriarchy, cultural conditioning and Christmas plans. When towards the end of our round of Stromboli sandwiches, we struck a deep note and began to probe our views on life's grey areas. The Truth and truths of Jesus as The Way, the canonization and legitimacy of Scripture and the validity of other gods. It was quite a discussion.
I've missed that. I've missed healthy, deep wrestling with people who might not all think as I do, who might have something to teach me, who might need to hear what is in my heart, just as I need to hear what is in theirs. And perhaps that's just more cultural conditioning, perhaps that desire in me might speak more to how I've been raised and to my culture, then it does to any human need. I never experienced any such discussion among Filipinos, perhaps I was oblivious, perhaps my language was too limited. Or perhaps the value of individual beliefs and the obsession with truth is a cultural trait limited to where I have been raised. Perhaps.
It's all tying together, all our topics swirling in and out in some sort of mixer dance; what we said, and how I'm talking about it now, inextricably linked and confusing. We reached no conclusions, and no one won or lost, but we made a date for next Saturday morning to go at it again over coffee. I've missed this.

Being Home

2007-12-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

Things I love about being home:

layers of heavy blankets at night,
long sleeves, fuzzy sweaters and mittens,
big, beautiful containers of vanilla yogurt,
not waking to find roach and gecko carcasses in my home,
making phone calls - not texts,
great sermons and having communion,
driving again, driving a truck(!!),
pecans and almonds in great big costco-sized bags,
cupboards full of baking ingredients,
being invisible on my street, at the store, anywhere,
constant access to my fam,
having a new little sister!

Things I don't love about being home:

the weather,
my skins reaction to the weather - (think lots and lots of lotion),
getting into frigid vehicles,
the rude and self-centered side of this country,
the lack of easily accessible, cheap, public transportation,
having cold feet, hands and nose - always!

Finally

2007-12-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

I am Home! And that is as exciting and cold as you all imagine! Will write more later. Thanx for all the prayers that saw me through this year and the many, many flights to home!

Manila-Land

2007-12-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

Manila, again, I'm back. And oddly arriving last night felt a bit like coming home! Not like the excitement I have inside when I think about Thursday. (Yay!) But just this comfortable happiness at seeing all the familiar places, the traffic, driving past all the malls. I've noted that perspective must play a lot into my vision, living here I never romanticized this city into a happy, pretty-lights kind of place. But enroute to loved ones and Canada, my eyes see good things.
Until of course I ventured out with a dear friend this afternoon to attempt my last minute purchases. Big mistake! Sunday afternoon, Christmas season, 18 million people! Such a bad idea! And then trying to find a cab, my aching lungs, mixing with the experiences of the day, reminded me, that all is not wonderful in Manila-land.
But I am happy to be here, enroute, visiting friends and my Manila family. And happy to God for those friends, and to be going to a place my heart's been wanting for a long while. I'm blessed.

The Beach and The Nuns

2007-12-06T03:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it worked out for me to go for a wee travel to round out this year. And so another missionary and I have been travelling southern Negros for the last few days. Starting off here in Dumagette on the harbor.

There's this amazingly hilarious statue on the sea walk, of the nuns arriving on the boat from France. Only they don't seem to have a united front. One is evangelizing the sharks while the back one seems to be trying to keep it at bay. The middle one seems to be hailing a tricycle.

We hiked way up into the jungle to see the lighthouse, and we were not so impressed. It looks like a fat street lamp!

And then we found the old one, which slightly redeemed the journey.

This is the spot we stayed at, looks rough I know! But unfortunately Lonely Planet told us this beach was gorgeous white sand, and what's actually true is that it is white shell and rock! Sore feet! I wrapped my camera bag in plastic and climbed all the way out to the giant rock below to catch this picture.

Sunset behind the Black Rock, rather unlike the one on Lost.

Glorious skies!

The uninhabited side of Apo Island.

We found this awesome spot to spend the afternoon on the river! It felt just like a summer day in BC, except for the palm trees!

Looking good, feeling good!

Lindsey at Forest Camp.

The kinda sort swinging bridge at Forest Camp.

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

2007-12-02T20:32:00.000-07:00

I finished my last shift this morning. My work and practicum are officially over. Tapos na, humana ko. Here are all the lovely ladies I've been working with these last six months, they've all taught me so much. I started off the year working with the beautiful Mercy midwives in Manila, and I'm finishing it with the beautiful Glory midwives here in Cebu. And as they all pointed out (very jealously), I am extraordinarily white in this picture. But do not worry, I'm on my way this very hour, to spend the rest of the week fixing that! I have my backpack with me, in this little internet cafe, and in a bit I'll head out and meet my near-stranger traveling companion. I love traveling, and I really like doing it with near strangers too! I have seen many corners of many countries with people I barely know, and great pictures always result. Someday maybe I'll travel with dear friends, until then I'll take adventures with whoever is keen.

The End

2007-11-28T00:19:00.000-07:00

It's all coming to an end. Sunday night marks my last shift at Glory Reborn, and the next morning I'll be heading to the nearby island of Negros ("knee-gross", not "knee-grows"), for 5 days of relaxation and sightseeing. Next Saturday I fly to Manila, and say goodbye to all my friends there. Four days later I hop another plane to cross that big, big ocean and make my way back to the cold of GP.
I'm ridiculously excited about home, albeit frigid, and a couch in my folks basement! But leaving is never easy, especially for an emotional wreck like myself. Here in Cebu I have had the privilege of working with more than a dozen fabulous Filipina nurses and midis, then there's the ever-so-helpful guards, the gym-folks, and Church friends. My Can-American friends Jen and Andrey have been God's great blessing to me! And I will seriously miss the cooking and eating of mouth-watering homemade meals, enjoyed with great conversation, local beer and The Office!

Cat's Out - My New Job

2007-11-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Well, the Official Cat is out of the bag, so I thought I would finally write on here and share with all of you my news about "The Next Step." And what I'll be doing after I head home in a couple weeks.
What I'll be doing is actually surprising to me, because I never saw it coming. I received an email a couple months ago and sat in the internet cafe with my mouth gaping, at the strange idea it presented to me! The suggestion that I consider serving the GP Church of Christ as youth pastor, or at least pray about it! In that moment I thought it was just craziness, why would anyone ask me that question? I assumed I would write back the next day and tell him, "nope, that's not for me." But I did pray about it, and in fact the idea itself grew and grew in my mind until both the praying and thinking began to push me towards the opposite answer. I began to really want to do it.
So now it is official. Starting in January I will be on staff in my home church, working full time as the Interim Youth Ministry Director. Yikes! And Yay! I'm pretty excited for this, there are just so many amazing Jr. and Sr. High-ers in our congregation! As I have been in and out of GP in the last few years I have had a lot of fun with them, leading in youth group, sunday school and conferences. And now my job is to plan those things and keep having fun, and point them all to Jesus! That's pretty exciting to me.
So the Cats out of the Bag. I figured I should finally blog this, as even my own poor brother found out by accident the other day. So now between the Chronicle and church and this blog, you all should know! I'd appreciate your prayers as I head into big responsibility, and lots of learning!

Rain

2007-11-19T02:08:00.000-07:00

It appears that it is storm season here in Asia. I was beginning to think that "rainy" season here in the mid-Visayas actually meant "not-really-really-dry" season. But the last 2 days have proved me wrong as the rain has poured down outside. Cutting power, and dripping through my roof to land in strategically placed buckets. I love rain, have always loved it, I even love those gray days that look like rain and don't deliver. And these days I am learning that it is because I have never had to deal with the violence of nature, or with the lives of ones I love being snuffed out in a storm.
As far as I know rainy season has not disappointed inhabitants of Luzon, with the usual typhoons, and floods hitting them for the last few months. And as I read in the news today it appears that storms have been claiming quite a toll in Bangladesh with estimates of some 10,000 dead in the wake of a cyclone last week! My God! It's unimaginable, and perhaps you've been watching it all on the news, perhaps you don't have to imagine it now. But this is the first I've heard, and my heart is heavy with the weight of all those lives lost so violently. So meaninglessly.
I will NEVER understand the meaning of all the world's suffering. I will never have answers to my questions about disparity or brokeness. And as a storm rages outside, and I am safe right here, I wonder how it's fair that I have the privilege of safety. The privilege of loving rain storms.

Bushes of the Amazon

2007-11-12T01:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Marielyn's birthday. She's the one in the middle. And she turned 21. That's only one year younger than I am. We are out for lunch to celebrate the occasion and the other woman is also 6'0" tall. We look Amazonish.

And in case you didn't know Bush is now recruiting Filipino nurses for America, England, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. I didn't know that he represented the wishes and needs of so many countries!

They Know

2007-11-07T02:29:00.000-07:00

The other night I transported a patient to the hospital, as I've done a few times through the months here. Each trip is a test of my language skills as I try to talk with our patients, the doctors and nurses, all in Bisaya. And thankfully this trip wasn't an emergency and the hospital staff were kind.
But no matter how many trips I take; to admit patients, or visit ones already there, I will never become immune to the shock of the place. Can you imagine an overfull, understaffed hospital, with paint peeling and floors crumbling. With cats and roaches running through, with blood on the floor. With a sign in the Pedia ward that says "Dengue Express Lane". With patients sharing beds, sharing diseases. This place is beyond imagination. But its all that is here, the only public hospital. It's what the people have.
So we arrived at the ER and then went on to the front desk, and back, and to the ward, and back, and to wait in the hall, and back. After an hour and half, the patients husband had bought all the necessary medicines and supplies at an outside pharmacy. And they were finally ready to be admitted. Time for me to go.
So I headed outside, and crossed the street to wait for a taxi to take me back to the clinic. The street was dark, but certainly not quiet, and I thought how strange it seemed to be there on that corner, across from that place, alone and at night. I wasn't worried, I never am, I don't feel in danger here. I don't think there's a time with less than a half dozen people watching me, and across form the hospital there was likely two or three times that!
As I'm waiting there is a constant flow of jeepneys passing by, urging me to board, and there's a lot of foot traffic even though it's late. As one man passes me he turns and tells me the name of my street. My address! And as I stare at him incredulously, he grins, says "I know", and walks on. There I am, a good 10-15 min drive from my place, and someone, some stranger knows where I live?? I expect than everyone in my neighbourhood knows where I live, as far as I know, I'm the only white person around. But standing on a street corner in the middle of the night, people know where I live! There are several million people in this city!
What I've decided is that he was probably a taxi driver I've had in the past. And harmless to boot, he certainly didn't do anything threatening. But what a strange feeling, I guess it's like Cheers, but instead of just a bar, its a whole city where "everybody knows my name".

Leviticus 15?

2007-11-04T01:08:00.000-06:00

In church this morning the speaker tells us our passage for the morning, and everyone opens up their Bibles. I didn't have mine, I never have mine, so I just pulled out my journal for the notes. And they start to read the passage out, in Bisaya of course, and I'm listening only vaguely. I know enough to know, that I only really know maternity-clinic-Bisaya.
But as their reading I begin to think - Wait a second, I know these words. What are they talking about??? I can't wait for them to get to the English translation, so I peak over at my roomie's Bible to see if what I'm thinking is what is being read. And sure enough, my maternity-clinic-Bisaya has served me well. We are reading the passages of the Law that discuss menstrual periods and semen. In church. Yes, that is our inspirational passage for the morning! Around the church people are getting shifty and uncomfortable, there are grins and nervous chuckles. Seriously, Leviticus 15?? My nurse-roomie and I are quietly laughing in the back row, and the poor translator is totally embarrassed and trying to make it through the passage.
In the end, sense was made as the speaker moved on to Mark 5 and the women who touches Jesus and is healed. He lets us know we can boldly approach Jesus, even when we feel "unclean" we can still go face-to-face with Him and ask for healing and restoration. And Jesus even calls this women Daughter, apparently the only time He ever speaks the name.
But I was lost, the start of that sermon was unfathomably awkward! I'm proud of the man for going for it, it takes a great level of confidence to address menstruation in Church. I've tried to picture a Sunday at home and Alan basing a sermon on, quote - discharges - end quote, but I'm afraid I don't have the imagination for it. Men here do a lot of things I can't imagine men doing at home, guess this was just one of them.
I have to say, it was a sermon I'll never forget!

Ta-Da!

2007-11-03T02:27:00.000-06:00

I am officially done my numbers!! I have delivered 20 widdle babies! 18 of them within the last 5 months!! Not only is that just great. But from now on I am stress-free, my clinical requirements have been met and the rest is just extras and more learning and fun. My first delivery was little baby Andrea way back in March, and my latest was a young Harley David. Yes, that's right, Harley David.
I have to say, its pretty cool - I've delivered 20 babies!

Critter Control

2007-10-23T04:39:00.000-06:00

I thought I should let you know that the dreadful spider did not go away as I had hoped, (and chosen to believe). The other day as I stepped out to start a shift next door, there it was on the outside wall, all huge and leggy and terrifyingly horrible!! I cried. And then worked up the courage to walk down the stairs and out the gate. And now I have no idea where it is. Every entry and exit is a gigantic leap of bravery as I search for it (do I want to see it or not?) and then quickly hit the stairs.
In another critter news, last night the guard-on-duty decided to do away with a bat that's been eating off our little half-tree. So he clipped it, David and Goliath style (though he is much bigger than the bat). I left work this morning to be shown the nasty carcass of the poor thing, what a great start to the day!
Killing bats, cutting down trees with kitchen knives, all in a days work for the guards at Glory Reborn!

Manila Bombing

2007-10-20T22:55:00.000-06:00

On Friday afternoon a bomb went off in a busy Manila mall and killed 8 people, injuring over a 100. Its pretty sad, and a bit scary. (Especially as I write this to you from the main mall of the entire Visayas region.)
This comes in the midst of impeachments bids against GMA the country's president and continuing conflict between the government and muslim extremist groups.
Read more HERE and please keep the peace of this country in your prayers!

The Least

2007-10-17T23:05:00.000-06:00

You might expect that being a midwife at a clinic that serves poor families in a 3rd world country, would just be a very rewarding experience. You might think that one would feel like they were were doing amazing ministry everyday. But for me, for the most part I overlook those things. I usually feel like I'm at work, it's good work, but still just work. But every once and a while, I catch a glimpse of the ministry being performed by my hands even when I'm "just working".
A woman labours through the night and as I take my shift in "labour watching", sitting with her, rubbing her back, breathing with her through each contraction, wiping hair and sweat from her face. I feel a moment of realization, I'm labour watching over Jesus. Wiping His brow, speaking encouragement to Him.
And on another night as I gently wash the dried blood off a new mother's body, my mind sees for a second that I am washing the legs and feet of Jesus. And I really truely know it, to the point that in that moment I can only pray, and that even writing this brings me tears.
I'm not writing this because I'm proud of these little things I've done. People do far greater things each and every day. I'm only writing because His words are true, "Whatever we do for the least of these, we do it for Him." And I can go to work and not expect to do or be or find any great thing. I can stare neediness in the face and not respond correctly, caringly and Christianly. That's me, I can do that. But sometimes God grabs ahold of my heart, and opens my eyes and I catch a glimpse of glory. Of worship. Of a God who chooses to be found "in the least of these."

Needle and Thread

2007-10-17T22:57:00.000-06:00

I finished another 24hr shift this morning. Two catches in one shift!
And very exciting for me, I finally got to suture for the first time! I fixed up a 2 degree tear on a new 17-year-old mom. I know you midi friends of mine, have mostly all done this and even become quite the experts. And hopefully I'll get there too. But this was my first time with my hands responsible, and man - I really enjoyed it!
It was so rewarding to see everything coming together just right! Very cool.
And if any of you think this has been too much information, sorry, but this is the blog of a midwife.

Bye Bye Spider

2007-10-14T21:28:00.000-06:00

Much to my delight it appears my big-nasty-spider problem has been solved! You remember the wonderful, kind security guards I've told you about? Well this morning I asked the guard on duty if there wasn't something that could be done about the spider-above-the-gate. And he was very certain, "Oh yes, Ma'am." So I thanked him and went away pleased, thinking he was obviously very brave and would come over later to spray it with pesticide or knock it down with a stick and squish it. I was happy.
About an hour later I'm in my apartment and I hear this racquet outside the window, so I turn around to see what is going on. And there, out of my 2nd storey window I see our wonderful, dear, little security guard, in the tree, at my eye level. He's climbed up the tree, wearing his dress pants, shoes and barong, and with kitchen knife in hand is chopping down the tree! I'm not kidding you!
There's now half a tree outside my house, growing up from the concrete.

Babies n Boys, Roaches n Worse!

2007-10-14T00:33:00.000-06:00

I don't have the energy for a full out blog entry, but I do have a few comments I've been saving up:

The other night my roomie and I came home from a night shift to find 8 mostly-dead cockroach carcasses scattered around the house. Usually every week or two we have one roach in the morning and just do away with them. But to have 8 in one night?! I'm just glad I wasn't there, and glad to have a cat to deal with them!
On Friday one of my patients delivered. She's one of those women who have lightspeed labors, and she went from 7cm to crowning in 30min. We barely had time to get the gloves on and catch! Wow!
Friday was a holiday here - for the end of Ramadan, and without school the 10-year-old boys on my block have taken up camping in the parking space in front of my home. So a dozen little boys are roaming without their folks all weekend, sleeping on cardboard and trying to saw through the drain grates to steal and sell the iron rods. They’ve taken to singing me the latest pop song and yelling up through my open windows if I want to "sex with them". They’re harmless, but my question is: Where are their parents?
There's a big tree directly outside my front gate (growing through the concrete), and currently a giant, dreadful, very poisonous-looking spider has taken up residence in its branches, just outside my window and just over the gate. I'm pretty sure it could get in the house if it tried and everytime I enter or leave I'm so afraid it will fall on my head. I'm even more worried it will disappear, and then I won't know where it is!!

Sweet dreams folks!

She's So High

2007-10-07T21:48:00.000-06:00

Last night I felt so alive!
Yay for me right? Ha. Cebu's not that big a city, a couple million people maybe. But last night was the first time in months that I got out of the city, if even for just a few hours! And wow, did I enjoy the fresh air, dirt roads, a walk in the dark, sitting by the sea, and the open-air mini bus that got us there. Simple pleasures.
Around Cebu my usual mode of transport is a taxi, the only direct way to get anywhere. Occasionally, I will take a jeepney, but not too often, not like I did in Manila. But last night my roomie, a co-friend and I hopped an open-air mini bus and headed South to where a friend of ours lives. (Side note: jeepneys and buses are the normal transport here, they're what people take day in day out, this was not meant to be an adventure!)
And as we sailed down the main highway, dodging all the other motor and pedestrian traffic, music blaring so loud my ears hurt, and the wind whipping my hair around my face - I had an amazing time! It was a highlight moment.
I've taken buses before, here in the Phils, and in other Asian countries, sometimes I've enjoyed them, sometimes I've hated them. The ride wasn't new. But somehow it was a moment of feeling really present, it was an excitement and high that I haven't had a lot of this year.
I realize that most of life is just life, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes it just is. I don't think life is about high experiences, or that it's all adventure. But I'll take as much adventure as will come! Last night, being on the move, with the wind all around, and the speed. The feeling of freedom (although I was squished with my knees in the seat in front and my friend pressed against me), that feeling was a high.
I'm sure everyone else on that bus was just waiting to get to their stop. Just waiting to get home, and a bus ride was just the necessary means to an end. It is probably just daily routine. But last night I had a great bus ride! It was blissful. I love the open road, I love the windows down, I love good music. And I guess that a busy highway, no windows and loud music is close enough to fill those loves!

Sonja, Pedro and I

2007-10-02T04:01:00.000-06:00

Welcome to Fort San Pedro!
This is my friend Sonja, we were roomies way back in Malaysia.

And we're hanging out again in the Phils!

If I wasn't wearing the sunnies, you'd see that my eyes were squinted shut. Apparently somethings you never outgrow!
Look at us and our monkey friend! This isn't the first time we've tangoed with monkeys together!
So Sonja is on her way to Bacolod City for 2 years with YWAM! I'm totally impressed with her commitment, and her monkey taming skills.

Hmmm...

This is the only green and pretty place I've found in Cebu!

Apparently in German this means, San Pedro's Fart. I'm guessing the Spanish didn't know that.

September's Baby Party

2007-10-02T03:25:00.000-06:00

Best Hat Ever,
Best Name Ever (mine),
Best Hair Ever!